


Chance, Coincidence or Fate?

by Miss_Von_Cheese, nausicaa82



Series: Pippa and Steve [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blogging, Dancing, Domestic Fluff, F/M, First Dates, Fluff, Food, Genderswap, Getting Together, Kissing, PTSD, Snowed In, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa82/pseuds/nausicaa82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve likes Pippa a lot, and has been following her blog for weeks. She's fond of him. but she would never dare to tell him. When their first date doesn't go as planned, they discover the stars are aligning to plans neither have control over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Collaboration between Miss_Von_Cheese and nausicaa82 through role play.  
> Pippa is a gender-bent version of Agent Coulson inspired by Clark Gregg playing Henrietta, an adorable trans*woman in “[The Adventures of Sebastian Cole](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0168449/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)”.  
> You can find pictures of our lovely Pippa [here](http://askcapsicoul.tumblr.com/post/37252677981/fic-au-pippa-sad-princess) and [here](http://pippacoulson.tumblr.com/tagged/faceclaim). And read more about her personal storyline in [Pippa Coulson, SHIELD agent series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/43844).

It had been complete chance that he had found her blog. Steve had not gone looking for it, but when he found it after following her review on a shooting forum, he couldn’t really pull himself away from reading it. In the whole of the World Wide Web, he had stumbled upon the blog of the woman he not only worked with but also had been developing a crush on. She hadn’t put her full name on it or given any specific details about her work, but if you knew Pippa Coulson in person, there was no doubt this was her blog.

It seemed a little like cheating, reading her thoughts without her knowing. However, his therapist had explained blogging was something people did now. One could write their thoughts and opinions for others to read, and the text was just there and available. Steve had even started his own blog upon this therapist’s insistence, but he mainly just posted sketches and random thoughts. So he justified finally that reading her blog was more like reconnaissance and less like an invasion of privacy.

It was such a delight when she would update with a story about her day or something she liked. People even sent her questions, and she would give them such good advice. He had the idea and thought on it for about ten days. When it finally kept him awake in the middle of the night, he decided just to go ahead and ask her opinion on the matter.

_Ms. C, what do you think of seeing someone you work with? There's this woman at my job that I have taken a shine to, and I've never done anything like this before, but where I'm from it was common for a guy to ask a working girl out but here it seems different, and I'm nervous of messing it up cause I think she's just swell. -Anonymous_

He sent the message and then waited for half an hour, refreshing the page compulsively. When he realized she most likely wasn’t on so late at night, he forced himself to turn off his laptop and go to bed. The next morning he saw she had replied.

_Anon- I have this strict, very very strict policy about dating someone you work with. Like, never, it’s a really bad idea and it can only bring problems. This has been my number one rule since I started my job._

Steve let out a sigh. At least hearing her thoughts on the matter this way was better than in person. He didn’t have to hide his disappointment or make things awkward between the two of them. Just as he was about to go for a run to clear his mind and try to get her out of his thoughts, he saw there was another paragraph a few lines down the screen.

_… but rules are made to be broken and I can’t say I have never had my moments of weakness. So, honestly, if even the cold Ms. C has already fallen for someone from work, you should give it a try._

_You seem respectful and like you are a good person. Don’t hesitate! What’s the worst that could happen? She’d say ‘no?’ Well, no need to be ashamed. These things happen, and you shouldn’t apologize for finding people attractive, dear. Go ahead, ask her out! And if she refuses then it will be her loss._

Steve almost jumped out of his seat he was so excited. The first objective was achieved: she wouldn’t hate his asking her out for dinner because they worked together. If she rejected him, it would be because of some other reason. Steve’s excitement waned at that thought, and he quickly typed a response.

_Ms. C, thank you for your encouragement. I try to be a good man, and I’m not sure I always am. But, when I see her in the hallway, I get the feeling like I want to be a better man… for her. I just don’t have a lot of practice talking to pretty women and get all flustered. But, I’m going to try to buck up my courage and go for it._

He thought for a moment about how she would never know that he had asked this, so he could be completely honest and open with his concern.

_Regarding the worst that could happen? Well, she’s quite the spitfire and could deck me, but honestly, I think her saying ‘no’ would hurt more._

He clicked “send” before he could overthink what he had written. His heart was beating so fast he felt like he was fourteen again. He glanced through a few news sites not really able to read them and then after a few minutes saw that she had already responded to his message.

_You sound like a gem darling, and if she can’t see that then she’s probably not the one for you. But if you tell her what you told me, there’s no way she can refuse._

_You seem not to be really used to talking to women. I am guessing you’re from another country or culture so just know that in the US the laws against sexual harassment at work are strict; it’s better to be appropriate when you talk to a woman. I honestly don’t think it would apply to you though. As long as you’re polite, there’s nothing wrong about asking a colleague out._

_She could… deck you? Wow, what kind of woman would…yeah okay, I’m that kind of woman, too! But we usually don’t do that for bad reasons. Be brave my dear, and come back later to tell me what happened; I love romantic stories!_

Steve did jump out of his chair this time and did a small little victory dance. He then regained his composure and started to strategize. Pulling out his phone, Steve dialed Clint’s number.

“Hey Clint... oh sorry it’s so early, but would you be up for meeting me at Killkenny’s tonight? I need your advice.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Captain Rogers?” She jumped when the soldier spoke.  
> “I... um...” His eyes darted around the room like he would find help from the stapler or office plant.

Work had been filled with cocky new agents, an attack by HYDRA, and a disastrous attempt at risotto; but Pippa’s mind on the late Friday afternoon repeatedly went back to the sweet anons she had received on her blog the week before. The thrill of not knowing if the mysterious boy was going to woo the girl he seemed to love sincerely was distracting her from her paperwork.

There was a soft knock at her doorway, and then Captain Rogers was standing with his arm behind his back.

“Agent Coulson, do you have a moment to… um… talk?”

“Captain Rogers?” She jumped when the soldier spoke.

“I... um...” His eyes darted around the room like he would find help from the stapler or office plant. “I was just working on my report about the HYDRA attack this week… and you…” his face softened while he held her gaze. “You were magnificent by the way, so calm and your groupings tight; you really know how to handle a weapon.”

The compliments went straight to Pippa’s heart, and she had to swallow heavily to maintain composure. She was definitely going to write an email to Lush to complain that their foundation didn’t hide blushing cheeks very well. He dropped his gaze and scratched the back of his head with his free hand.

“So, I’m writing the report, and I was wondering if you would think it appropriate for me to mention how the two junior agents were more collected than you think they would be when facing something like that on their first day? Your reports are always so good.”

“I… well thank you, Cap’. But your reports are really good too, you have an amazing photographic memory.” She managed to smile. “You know, reports are 75% facts and 25% politics. If you think the two juniors need a little encouragement, you can emphasize their qualities in your papers of course.”

“It’s just the 25% politics part, the reading people, I still struggle with sometimes. People seem so different now. It’s hard for me to get any kind of read on Director Fury; Stark is hot and cold, I can’t tell if we’re best friends or blood enemies; and Agent Hill, I’m pretty sure she hates me but I have no idea why and…” He trailed off.

“So;” he took a deep breath. “I want to apologize in advance if I’m reading the situation wrong, if I am barking up the wrong tree. We could just pretend like I never came in here for anything other than help on my report.”

He brought his right arm from behind his back, smiled, and presented her with a small nosegay of white daisies. “These reminded me of you, and I wanted you to have them.”

She had frowned a little, focused, when he talked about misreading the situation and pretending the interaction never happened, but when Steve handed her the flowers, Pippa’s eyebrows shot up. Her eyes kept going from the daisies to Steve and his lovely stupid little smile, and she needed a few seconds to fully assess the situation. She had to calm down, right now, no freaking out; she’d been through worse.

“F-for me…?” she stammered awkwardly. “Oh that’s so… nice of you, we finally have a gentleman on board!”

Steve gave a small laugh and bit at his lower lip.

“You have no idea how happy it would have made my Ma if she heard someone as elegant and beautiful as you thought I was a gentleman.”

Pippa took the flowers and looked down to try hiding her disappointment as she misunderstood his intents.

“ _Oh, his **mother** \-- Steve has been particularly nice around me lately; it must be I remind him of her, or that he needs that kind of attention,_” she thought. 

She set the flowers on her desk and hid a sigh. Well, it wasn’t as if she had had any chance at something more, right? If he needed a substitute in this new world, at least she could play big sister for him.

“I’m glad to know your mother would have liked me, and I would probably have liked her too since she raised such a good man…” she smiled.

“I would like it very much if you would allow me to take you to a matinee and then out for dinner tomorrow. I know this great Italian place in Prospect Heights.” He tried to smile, but something looked pained in his eyes.

Had it been any other man or woman, Pippa would have jumped in their arms and replied an ecstatic “Yes!” to such a sweet request. But this was just too much, too unbelievable, too impossible. It couldn’t be true. So, she just swallowed and licked her lips, pale as if she had seen a ghost

“Oh please, tell me it’s not a bad joke from Stark, or he’s gonna regret I didn’t taze him sooner,” she mumbled.

When actually she was silently praying that Steve wasn’t that kind of guy, the one who plays pranks on ugly ducklings just because he’s super handsome. It wasn’t what she had seen of him, but people change.

“I… I…” Steve shook his head slightly, when he spoke again there was slight fear in his voice. “I don’t understand how it would be a joke. Is it that you don’t like Italian food? We wouldn’t have to go there, we could go for Indian or to this Irish pub I like, or even someplace that doesn’t start with the letter ’I.’

“Or is it you wouldn’t like going to a show? I know it isn’t that fancy, but I’m up for anything really we could go to a museum or to Central Park. I could try getting us tickets for something at the MET.”

He looked at the flowers on the desk, took a deep breath, and then looked right at her.

“I just think you’re really amazing, Ms. Coulson, and I was hoping we could spend some time together outside of work. I don’t really care what we’re doing, just as long as I could be with you.” He then shifted on his feet and looked at his wringing hands.

Pippa’s heart crumbled in her chest as her thoughts raced. Oh no, oh no, he was serious the pretty idiot! And now he was panicking! Oh, boy, what had she done? Pippa walked around the desk to join him, almost took his hands but refrained herself.

“Hey, hm… I’m sorry okay? I’m so sorry! I just… excuse me, I…” She sighed and, finding back her old negotiator reflexes, sat on the edge of her desk in what could have looked like a porn stereotype if her skirt had been shorter.

“I am sorry Steve, I should have known you were not the kind of guy to play pranks on a lady. It’s just that I’ve had so many guys who found it funny to… pretend they wanted to date me… if, if that’s a date we’re talking about?”

“Yes, I would very much like to take you out on a date. I’m sorry I’m not very good at asking; I haven’t really had any practice doing it.” He smiled apologetically with half his face until he snapped into his Captain America righteous indignation pose, and his voice became firm and a bit lower.

“Men have been cruel to you?”

“Oh, it just seems funny, for some of them, to invite the poor freak girl on a date then never show up and laugh about her on Facebook. And as much as Director Fury doesn’t approve of their behaviors, I’m not to engage in fights because he ‘doesn’t want to lose one of his best agents’.” Pippa shrugged.

She tried hard to pretend she didn’t care but every time, every insult in the street, every mark of disrespect hurt even more than the previous one. Steve’s outraged serious look made her heart beat a little bit faster though and she shivered, his chivalry so sincere it was not even ridiculous, simply charming.

“Which leads me to another question,” Pippa mumbled as she bit her lower lip, wiping her palms on her skirt suit. “I… before we see each other, I would like to clarify something. You know that I’m not really like other girls, right?”

He stepped closer into her personal space, cradled her hands in his, and looking down at her face he held her gaze. Pippa quivered when the large warm hands took hers, her knees started to tremble as they hadn’t in a long time.

“Yes, Ms. Coulson, I know you aren’t like other girls— you have more strength in your little finger than the whole lot of them put together. You are not just smart but also clever, and more importantly you don’t hide it behind an act. You have high standards and can be demanding but but you are also kind and you’re gorgeous, and you make me feel like I… like I would take on the whole world if it could keep you from being hurt by guys like that again.

“But that wasn’t what you were talking about, was it?” Steve took a few breaths, ”Stark said that when you two first met, you dressed differently and were going by ‘Phil.’” He was making soft lazy circles with his thumbs on her fingers. ”He said it was before you were able to really be yourself like you are now.” He leaned closer and placed a small kiss on the back of her hand.

“Is there something I’ve got wrong?” 

She hadn't come down from the last shower of compliments yet, and Steve so close, so sweet and amazingly understanding for a man from his era. It made her feel like she was sixteen again. She drank his every word, heart racing under the seams of her bra. Her breath got shorter as he proved himself more than a knight in a star-spangled armor and when he kissed the back of her hand, she was sure fifty shades of red had just colored her cheeks.

It took her awhile to be able to answer, a few long seconds during which she forgot about her duty, her childhood hero, and her co-worker.

“I-I think you got it, Cap’ uh, Steve,” she blurted, voice trembling. “I didn’t--I just wanted to be sure. That you didn’t have a problem with that. That I was born in the wrong body.” But inside, she didn’t really care anymore because this young gentleman she had known for only a few months was talking to her more kindly than anyone ever had. He could have asked for the Moon, and she’d have given it to him without hesitation.

“I don’t think I could fault someone for being born with the wrong body.” He pulled back a bit, “Ms. Coulson, you still haven’t answered: would you allow me to take you out tomorrow? Anything you like.”

“Absolutely, we can go where you wanted to, Italiano-Irish-Indian that was it?” Pippa grinned, unable to realize her luck. She stepped back to look better at the tall soldier and teased: “I only have one small condition…”

“Yes?” He gently squeezed her hands in his. “Ms. Coulson, anything.” She removed her hands from his unwillingly and poked at his chest with a wink.

“Call me Pippa, okay?”

“Okay, Pippa. I can do that.” He chuckled and smiled wide.

Moving away from him was torture, but she had to be in control again, calm the frantic beats of her heart and dominate her wobbly legs. She turned around, walked back to her seat and stood behind her screen, a hand on her hip.

“Where do I meet you tomorrow? What time? Careful, I’m always on time, even when demigods try to take over the world,” she asked.

“They are showing a movie from the 80s at the theater on East 12th at 1600 hours. Clint said I should see it on the big screen; would you be keen to see The Princess Bride? We could meet at the theater about a half hour before, then dinner after?”

 

She smiled at his military way of announcing the hour and nodded. “The Princess Bride, great choice. I’m sure you’re gonna love it, and I’ll be happy to be there when you see it! So, it’s a date, then-- tomorrow, 3:30. I just can’t wait Steve…” she repeated awkwardly, not knowing how to end the discussion.

She didn’t want him to leave but he probably had to, she couldn’t keep him in her office either, so she kept burying her fingers in the leather of her chair and looking at him, the perfect mix between a superhero and a lost puppy.

“Neither can I!” his excitement bubbled in his voice. “I… uh…” he cleared his throat and tried to sound more calm. “I should let you get back to your work; I wouldn’t want you to have to stay even later on my account.”

He stepped backwards to the door. With a goofy grin on his face, he kept his eyes on her.

“Thank you for your advice… um… all your advice. Have a good night, Pippa. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He closed her door and made his way back to his own desk.

Pippa stood by her desk, as dignified as she could until the door closed but as soon as Steve was gone she fell heavily into her chair and grabbed her phone. “Tasha, my office, now! Rogersaskedmeoutcomeherequick!”

The rest of the evening not much work was done since she stayed with her best friend at her desk, eating marshmallows and getting reassured. Yes, she would have a great time; no, she wouldn’t mess up; yes, Steve would think she’s beautiful; no, he wouldn’t stand her up.


	3. Chapter 3

_Steve felt the icy wind whip at his face as he tried hard to pull up the controls of the plane. His eyes were watering from the strain and from the sad voice coming over the radio._

_“You’re going to stand me up for our date like you did her, too? I thought you would be different from those other guys, Steve. Can’t you keep any of your promises?” He heard her voice breaking._

_“Pippa, I’ll be there. I can do this!” He saw the sun setting over the horizon, nothing but different shades of white in front of him. As the plane was getting closer to the ground, instead of the ice and snow he expected, he saw fields of white daisies. Right as he was about to make impact, he heard her sigh._

_“You’re such a disappointment, Ste—”_

He shot up in bed, the sheets damp and twisted from his sweaty struggles. He blinked a few times trying to work out the stinging in his eyes and get them to focus. He looked over to his clock that displayed the date as well as the time. It was his only comfort whenever he had such nightmares.

It was the right day; he hadn’t missed their date, but it was just after 0500. He had hoped he would sleep a little longer so he wouldn’t be so anxious, but it seemed he was going to be anxious awake or asleep. He pulled on his sweats and running shoes. He decided he could expel at least some of his nervous energy with a really long run.

All day as he did sets of push-ups, double checked the dinner reservation, and ironed the light blue shirt he had planned to wear that night; Steve prayed to every saint he could remember for their help in the date going well. Finally, it was time.

He checked himself one last time in the mirror, grabbed his wallet and keys, and started making his way to the theater.

-=-=-=-=-=-

It wasn’t a shock that Pippa didn’t sleep really well that night, she kept waking up and turning over and over in her bed, too excited to even rest. In the end, she got out of bed at five o’clock, a little too early, even for her, and started to clean her apartment just in case. It wasn’t as if Steve was going to come up for a “last coffee,” but Pippa’s strength was in anticipating all situations. If for some reason he happened to see her apartment, it had to be at least civilized.

One day, a long time ago during a hazardous mission, Pippa had played Russian roulette with some mafiosi in Europe. It had been scary and thrilling, yet it was nothing compared to the choice she had to make now. Seven different outfits on her bed, but more than ever she felt she had “absolutely nothing to wear.” Whatever she would pick could explode in her face and make it a disaster. No skirt suits-- she had to show she could forget her job. No mini-skirts-- Steve was way too old-fashioned for that, no need to shock him. The Liberty dress from eBay was long enough to cover her ankles, but she already looked much older than him; she didn’t need people to mistake her for his mother.

She wondered for a while, eating mini-donuts for lunch, if she should wear her Louboutins. Cons: they weren’t comfortable; they were provocative. Pros: they were exceptional; she’d probably never have another date with Steve Rogers, so the occasion was definitely worth it!

In the end, she went for a pair of super tight jeans that, associated to her fuck me heels, made her bottom look gorgeous and softened the too sexy outfit with a Liberty blouse and a necklace. All that with just a bit of waterproof makeup since she knew she’d shed tears for _The Princess Bride_. Of course she found herself hideous when she left her apartment, but she knew nothing she would have worn would have made her feel any different anyway.

She arrived at the corner of the street five minutes too early, her heart pounding in her chest harder than the first time she had held a gun for S.H.I.E.L.D., harder even than the moment they met officially and she had stuttered in front of Captain, no-- Steve, like a teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Many thanks to Nausicaa for her editing work! MvC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning !
> 
> This chapter contains spoilers for the movie _The Princess Bride._ Yep, there are people who have never seen it so we wanted to warn them. :)

As Steve walked down the street, he tried to keep himself calm. Hopefully this was going to be the first date where his girl actually wanted to be there with him; unless Pippa had been humoring him.

Maybe she had just said she would meet him here so he would get out of her office last night. He had stepped in close to her, not that she couldn’t handle herself, but…

Steve’s doubt kept eating at him with each step he took, and thankfully, just when he had convinced himself it had all been a misunderstanding, he saw her at the corner of the street near the theater. All of the nightmares and anxiety of the past 24 hours melted away from him and he jogged over to her.

“Pippa, I’m so glad…” as he got close to her he was struck by how amazing she looked, and the words seemed stuck in his throat. He shook his head a little and then smiled. “I’m so glad you are here. You look great.” He offered his arm for her to take. “Shall we?”

“Oh I wouldn’t have missed it! I’m really flattered to be here with you, and I just can’t wait to know more about you,” she beamed. She took his arm, marveling at his manners, relieved to see him here and looking still happy.

As they walked to the theater, she knew her grin and the sway of her hips screamed to the world that she was ecstatic to be dating Steve Rogers tonight. The look of admiration she gave him was not for Captain America this time, but to the gentleman who invited her. Even if she couldn’t believe her incredible luck, she felt that she could trust him. He was a good man, and even if things didn’t turn out perfectly, he would never be mean or rude to her.

Once they had stepped inside the theater, Steve noticed how loud and crowded the tiny lobby was, and he was glad he had thought to buy the tickets early to guarantee their seats to the special showing. There were people in costumes queued to see the latest release of a franchise Steve hadn’t heard of, kids were running around and squealing at the loud games in the arcade, the concession lines were packed, and a wave of people were leaving two theaters that had just let out. Steve leaned in closer to her, a playful smile on his face.

“What do you think our plan of attack should be? Divide and conquer: I get the snacks; you scope seats? Or…” He placed his hand over Pippa’s on his arm. ”Forget the popcorn and make a valiant effort together on securing seats near the back? I’d hate to block someone’s view.” 

Pippa hesitated, a bit unsure of what he really preferred; she gestured toward the theater before taking his hands.

“You know what? Go take a seat, you’re tall enough, I’ll find you easily. What snacks can I get you?” And she looked up to him, fluttering her lashes with a look that meant it was on her, he didn’t have a choice. She wasn’t going to let him pay for everything, and she could be terribly stubborn when she wanted.

He had seen that look on Pippa’s face before during hard interrogations and knew there would be no use in trying to argue. Even though he was sure it was his role to pay since he had asked her out.

“Okay, a popcorn, Raisinets, and a Coke, maybe they have some black liquorice here, too?” He looked up at the menu to check and saw the prices. “Actually, um, just the small popcorn and yeah, just a small popcorn. “I’ll try to find us seats near the back. Don’t be too long.” He gave her hand a small squeeze and made his way to the theater.

As she made her way through the crowd to the counter, Pippa didn’t know if she was tenderly annoyed or touched by his behavior. With any other guy she would have wondered if his attentions were really selfless, but his old-fashioned manners made her all giddy inside. When she got to the head of the line, she rattled off the order with smirk.

Steve had found two seats in the back row, dead center. He sat nervously and whenever anyone entered the theater he would almost stand, thinking it was Pippa. When she finally did enter, his eyes widened with the two trays of food she was carrying.

Pippa saw him waving from the back immediately; her radar was on him for the whole day after all. She placed a tray with his large popcorn, Raisinets, black liquorice, and a Coke in a glass bottle on his knees, enjoying the surprised look on his face.

“Oh, good, I’m not late!” she smiled as she sat, her own Coke, popcorn, and M&M’s in her lap.

“Pippa! Thank you! I would say you shouldn’t have, but full disclosure-- I was so nervous about our date I didn’t eat lunch, or breakfast, or dinner last night, and really, popcorn is just so much better with Raisinets.” He carefully opened the candy, poured the box into the bucket of popcorn, and then shook to mix it.

Pippa felt her protective instincts kick in when Steve confessed he had been too nervous to eat, and she slid a hand on the perfect line of his cheek, shaking her head in shock.

“You didn’t eat since lunch yesterday? Oh no, Steve, you gotta take care of yourself. I’m sure this high metabolism needs a lot of fuel.”

Steve looked up and tried to answer, but at her soft touch to his face, his mind felt slow. He gave a slight smile and tilted the bucket in her direction.

“Wo-would you like to try some?”

“Only for a fair trade.” She picked a handful of Raisinets and popcorn to peck and poured some of her candies into Steve’s hands. She looked around the crowded room, and told herself with pride that none of the girls in here had a better date than she. He wasn’t overly confident; he was trying to make an effort, and he didn’t act like she owed him something. This certainly was a man Pippa could easily have a crush on. The lights went down, and the screen lit up.

“By the way, I don’t know if you’ve already been to a theater,” she paused trying to think of the best way to phrase since you were frozen, “lately, but don’t be too put off at the ridiculous amount of trailers and commercials.”

“Thank you for the warning; I’ve actually gone to the movies at least once a week since,” Steve gave his own pause at the words, and a loud ad for a new kind of computer started on the screen. He leaned in close to her, careful not to spill the food.

“But this’ll be the first movie I watch with such a pretty girl,” he whispered into her ear. An intense shiver ran down Pippa’s spine when Steve spoke; she felt his hot breath against her skin, and the soft hair on her neck stood on end.

“Don’t be so sweet,” she managed to reply, “or I might eventually believe you.”

He then slightly turned his arm between them so his palm was up and open, hoping she would see his intention. She only hesitated for a second, thinking that perhaps it wasn’t an invitation. She was concerned with what she thought he expected her to be, but it was too tempting. Pippa let out a soft contented sigh when their palms adjusted, their fingers entwined, and as cliché as it sounds, it was like they were made to fit together. Steve’s hand was warm and soft as a baby’s. She knew from experience that his hands could easily kill, but hadn’t thought on how it could also caress. Pippa allowed herself to dream a little because romantic thoughts were definitely allowed when holding Steve Rogers’ hand.

Steve had always loved going to watch movies at the theater. When he was young, he and Bucky would sneak into shows; the danger of getting caught an added thrill. But even later when he had managed to get enough money to pay for his own ticket, it still excited him to get lost in the story on the screen and forget about his own life.

However this time, sitting next to the woman he had been attracted to for over a month, instead of the story making him forget about his life, he felt like it was a fuzzy reflection of his life. A poor boy with blue eyes and blond hair trying to be good enough for the princess he desired. The princess herself vulnerable but certainly not helpless with beautiful eyes and wavy hair. 

His attention was split between the action on the screen and the soft sound of Pippa’s breathing, and when it started to hitch, he looked over to see her crying. He let go of her hand and reached into his coat pocket for his handkerchief. He placed it into her palm and then gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

She accepted his embrace, pushing the arm of the chair up to snuggle closer and placed her head between his chest and his shoulder. He was strong, comfortable. She could even hear the frantic rhythm of his heart. For the last fifteen minutes of the movie, she had a hard time focusing because Steve’s hand was on her shoulder, his huge frame so protective. Pippa didn’t need anyone to take care of her, yet it was a shield she didn’t regret having.

Usually when she allowed herself to be so emotional because of such fairy tales, Pippa was alone with a large plaid blanket and a bucket of ice cream. She had tried to contain her tears for as long as she could, but when Westley and Buttercup were finally together again in the end, she had to let it go. Steve’s tender care was a wonderful bonus and she was thrilled by the scent of Steve’s cologne on his handkerchief. When the end credits started and the lights went on, she quickly dabbed at her cheeks some more and then folded the handkerchief neatly to give it back to Steve.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Did you like it?” She was talking about the movie of course, even though she died to know if he had appreciated the snuggling.

“Yeah, it was really great. Very exciting and romantic.” His hand grazed up and down her arm. “The movie reminded me a lot of the ones I watched when I was younger-- a good story and a happy ending.”

He then realized that the credits were already over and they were the last people in the theater. He very reluctantly pulled away and gathered their trash. As he stood, he smiled and offered his free hand to help her up.

“I really like it when everything works out in the end.”


	5. Chapter 5

Pippa followed her Captain-- oh, why did she already feel entitled to call him “hers?”-- outside, ready to go with him anywhere as long as she could stay in his lovely company. She shivered slightly when the cold wind blew down the street. She subtly pulled down her sleeves and adjusted her collar a little, internally scolding herself for not bringing a coat, trying her best to hide she was freezing.

“Which way is the restaurant?” she asked, taking Steve’s hand to entwine their fingers. “Or do you want to get a drink first?”

“We have time for a drink. There’s a wine bar on the way to Ticino’s, but first…” he shrugged his leather coat off in a smooth motion and then draped it over her shoulders. “There, that’s better.”

Pippa’s first reflex was to refuse the help; ever since she had started transitioning, her co-workers’ behavior had drastically changed. As if wearing skirts had suddenly weakened her, and she had to protest every time they tried to cover her on missions instead of letting her run towards danger. But she knew Steve didn’t mean harm; he was a nice guy. 

When she looked up at him, he couldn’t quite understand the expression on her face. He remembered Bucky’s saying that whenever you weren’t sure what a dame was thinking, you should just kiss her, and she’ll let you know one way or the other. But Pippa wasn’t like the girls Bucky would take out, and Steve didn’t want to risk her thinking him a jerk. So instead, he offered his hand again, and she accepted both his jacket and his leading them up 12th street. Pippa thought he was adorable and had made some compromises already, so she could make compromises, too.

“Tell me, can I be nosy?” she chirped, holding his hand like a treasure. “I’ve read your file, of course, because I had to, for the job. I know it’s reported that you had a privileged friendship with Peggy Carter, an amazing woman in my opinion, a role model even… well, what was I saying? Ah, yes, privileged friendship. But it’s impossible to know the real love life of Steve Rogers from those reports. Some comics made assumptions, some really inappropriate comics mentioned thousands of lovers, others that you had several girlfriends, sometimes even at the same time. Is any of it based on the truth?” 

Steve no longer noticed the cold wind as he felt his entire body blush. He had completely missed her tone and flirty wink, shocked to be discussing this so early. But Clint had told him this was what modern people did: they talked about their past relationships and what they had done previously intimate-wise. Clint had also stressed that it was important to be honest.

“Well, um… being Agent Carter’s friend…” Steve had yet to say ’Peggy’ out loud since waking up from the ice, afraid of what her name would sound like now. “You gotta understand that she didn’t suffer fools at all. First time I met her she decked a guy almost twice her size who was giving her grief. Laid him out flat.” He chuckled at the memory and then checked himself. “So yes, it was a privilege if she thought of you as a friend; she did kiss me once, but that was also the last time I saw her in person.” 

He tried to shake the slight melancholy that had taken his mind. He squeezed Pippa’s hand and smiled. In this moment, he was happy to be in New York, in the 21st century, here with Pippa.

As his large hand gently squeezed hers, Pippa would have kicked herself if she could. This wasn’t the best move of one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s top interrogators. She had wanted to get flirty, try to know him better, but of course mentioning friends he had lost wasn’t a good move. She should have known better.

“As for the other thing, well, you can’t put too much stock in those comics. Stark showed me ones he had where I was a werewolf. It might have been that it is impossible to know the real love life of Steve Rogers because,” he sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, “there wasn’t a real love life of Steve Rogers. I haven’t met that many women I was really interested in, and I’m no Valentino.”

They had reached the bar, and he opened the door for her, allowing her to go in first. “And just so we’re clear, I’m no werewolf either,” he winked. As they entered, Pippa couldn’t help feeling happy and honored to be one of the few girls in Steve’s life.

“I don’t know what you aren’t, but I sure can tell you’re a gentleman,” she assured as she sat facing the door-- an old agent’s reflexes. “Well, atleast I hope so; I do not handle alcohol as well as you allegedly do. I trust you not to take advantage of the situation.” She winked at his embarrassed look and starting reading the wine selection. 

“I would never…!” he began to protest, but then realized she was most likely teasing him. He relaxed a bit and eyed the room. “Pippa, I’ve seen what you can do with only a bag of flour 10 feet from your target. I pity any man who thinks he can take advantage of you, but then again… he’d deserve every bit of what you would do, and I wouldn’t pity him very much.”

She smiled politely when he mentioned her skills, a shadow in her heart. Strength wasn’t always needed to take advantage of a lost girl confused about herself. She had been in really crappy relationships before, not daring to leave in fear of finding nothing better anyway. Pippa tried to read the selection of reds again, realizing she hadn’t really been paying attention to it. 

The mellow jazz and soft lighting of the bar made Steve feel more at ease than he had been out in the cold. He hoped it wasn’t bothering Pippa how much he was looking at her. At S.H.I.E.L.D. he always felt like he was looking away from her, to be professional, to be respectful. But now that they were on a date, he wanted to soak in every shade of blue in her eyes, every crease on her face, every movement of her hair.

She tried to keep calm, but she could feel Steve’s tender gaze on her. At first she had thought she had something stuck in her teeth, but after discreetly checking in a window, she decided that it was just the way he was. 

“So, I do think you have a pretty big advantage right now over me. You’ve read my file, that allegedly has documented such personal details about my life, but I haven’t read yours. What if we play a game? You tell me three things about yourself, and for each thing I didn’t know, I’ll tell you something about me-- something that would not be in my file or any comic book.”

She raised her eyebrows. “A game? As long as it’s not a drinking game, it’s fine with me!” she chuckled. A waiter stopped by to take their order, and Pippa selected a good wine for her, but not too expensive. 

“I’ll have the same,” Steve smiled and shrugged his shoulders when Pippa gave him a quizzical gaze. 

“So, three things about me? What could I tell you?” she mused. She had plenty of secrets but which ones would be appropriate for a first date with a lovely gentleman of a different generation? She saw a couple eating slices of French cheese with their drinks and sighed, looking up at Steve with a sheepish smile.

“Okay, first thing, I can’t cook to save my life. I’m really bad at it. I almost destroyed my kitchen several times.” 

“Ah!” His face lit up and he pointed. “I knew that already!” He then immediately shrank back a bit, embarrassed he had been so excited. “I mean I heard about an incident with some risotto, but I didn’t know you’ve almost destroyed your kitchen a few times. So, you win the first round and get something about me.” He tapped his chin while looking up at the ceiling. Pippa narrowed her eyes slightly, promising herself that Sitwell would have to rewrite his last report in retaliation.

“Something you wouldn’t know from my file...” The drinks arrived at the table, and Steve gently swirled his glass to buy him a little time. Pippa took her glass and inhaled the fruity scent of the light red wine.

“Oh! Before the war and everything, I was going to art school; I’m sure you know. But what I didn’t tell anyone was that I was going because I wanted to become a medical illustrator. I thought it would be a good way to help people with the talents I had. I was trying to get a scholarship to get into a program at Johns Hopkins, but then other opportunities presented themselves, and it fell by the wayside.” He took a sip of his drink. “Your turn.”

“Medical illustrator? Wow, this is so… so you, and yet so from another time! You’re just one of these guys who can’t help helping others,” she winked. She took a first sip of wine, making sure to go slowly and not to get dizzy.

“Hmm, it’s delicious, a bit strong maybe; I’ll have to be careful. But it’s excellent; I haven’t had good wine in a while.” She admired in silence how beautiful Steve was when drinking; her heart skipping a beat as the tip of a pink tongue gathered rogue drops on his lips. She thought about herself and felt there wasn’t much to say. She had spent her life hiding who she really was both on a personal and professional level.

“Okay, better drop it right now,” she said softly, checking Steve’s face to search for any sign of discomfort. “After all if we end up together, it’s better that you know. I have been with several people in the past, both men and women. I mean, I’ve been with men and women when I was still pretend-- presenting as a man and later as a woman.” Pippa blinked before adding, “And that doesn’t make me unfaithful. When I’m committed, I never cheat unlike what a lot of stereotypes would say.”

Steve knitted his brows and looked down at his wine. He nervously swirled the glass again and then took another drink. He was trying to think of the best way to respond. He hated the way she had looked worried when she spoke; he didn’t ever want to be the cause of her worry.

“Pippa, when we end up together, the only thing I’m going to care about is if you like me. And I have to be honest with you, but I really hope you aren’t upset by this. I couldn’t — I can’t lie to you, especially about this.” He took her hand in his and with the most apologetic face looked into her eyes. 

“But you lost this round— you didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t already heard or didn’t already know about you.” He then kissed her hand like he had done the previous day and smiled. Pippa took a sip to gather up her courage, a soft blush on her cheeks. He wasn’t using a conditional but future tense when talking about their being together, and it was the sweetest promise he could have made. 

“I see nothing that’s not to like. You’re amazing, Steve. I think I’m starting to lov-- like the man behind the mask even more.” Realizing that she had expressed her feelings more openly than she thought, she focused on her nails where the damn polish couldn’t even resist one week of deadly missions. 

He smiled sheepishly at the compliment. It wasn’t often that people said that Steve was amazing. Captain America, yes; but not Steve Rogers. He felt a slight buzz from his wine, but knew that it wouldn’t last more than a few minutes. This was the first time in a long while he felt happy and comfortable with himself. 

“But it’s unfair, and I don’t like to lose. It seems you know much more about me than I thought,” she smiled softly. “What could I tell you?” 

“I imagine you don’t lose often.” He finished his drink. “You could tell me if you like to dance.”

“I… yes, I… I do,” she smiled, surprised by the hidden invitation. But it was the wine for sure that heated her cheeks and made her pupils shine. When he had said ‘dance’ she had immediately thought about her wild moments singing and dancing in front of the mirror to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” but no, this definitely wasn’t what he meant.

“I have had to take lessons for work, you know, as agents we have the obligation to know how to act and blend in anywhere, even a crowd at a reception. I probably don’t know dances from the 30’s though, you’re gonna have to teach me.”

“I would love to take you dancing. Natasha told me there were still some nightclubs that she thought I would like. I haven’t gone to any yet, and I don’t know that many new dances though. Clint taught me one called The Macarena, but it feels pretty ridiculous when I do it, so I’m not sure it’s something people actually do.”

He extended his right arm to begin demonstrating the moves, and she bit her lower lip to refrain from laughing. He was a little too square and stiff for the silly dance. Pippa could only imagine Clint’s pleasure in teaching Steve something so ridiculous. Just as she was about to lose her ability to keep her laughter in check, he caught a glimpse of his watch and stopped.

“Oh! Sorry, we need to get going soon or we’ll miss our reservation,” he motioned for the waiter to come back with the ticket.

“Of course!” Pippa instinctively took her wallet out of her purse, but then hesitated. She didn’t want to upset him, or make him uncomfortable. But still, she guessed he would also want to pay for dinner, he had paid for the tickets, and she was sure his salary was less than hers. Although he probably didn’t spend as much as her on clothes, makeup, and shoes, she didn’t want the date to be a strain. 

“If you wanna let me pay then I’ll be glad,” she smiled. “And if you absolutely don’t want me to, then let’s just pretend I’m searching for the tip.”

“Pippa,” he reached for his money clip in his pocket. “I asked you out. It’s my role as the host to pay. I-- I can afford this.” The last part came out odd and perhaps a bit softer than Steve intended.

Out of habit, he still lived his life very frugally even though with his back pay and S.H.I.E.L.D. salary he had more money than he ever dreamed he would need. Tonight, he wanted to spend without thinking twice about it, leave the ghosts of his youth at home, and show her that he was worthy of her attention.

“Please let me treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

Pippa’s face softened and she put her wallet back in her bag, sensing that Steve needed this, especially since she was apparently one of his only successful dates. So she ignored her own stubbornness and followed him outside where she let him wrap his jacket around her shoulders again.

“Thank you!” she smiled as she brushed her thumb on his cheek. “But I told you I loved to dance. You still owe me a fact about you, and I’m curious as a cat.”

The sun was setting and the streetlights had already come on. There were less people out than usual for a Saturday night, but perhaps the unusual cold snap had kept them in. Steve walked close to Pippa, keeping her hand in his.

“Well there are so many to choose from… I could tell you about how I prefer cats over dogs due to a ‘hilarious’ incident when a big scary one chased me half way to Long Island when I was a kid, or how I will eat anything and I mean anything— except green bell peppers, or that I’m actually much more of a homebody than anyone could imagine.”

He stopped walking and pulled the two of them closer to the wall so people could pass. He huddled close, directly in front of her, blocking her from the gusts of wind. Steve reached and tenderly brushed strands of her hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear.

“But I’d guess the most important fact about me that I know isn’t in my file is that you make me feel like I could be a better man, that I want to be a better man— for you.”

She froze, looking up at Steve with wide open eyes, deliciously thrilled by their close proximity and Steve’s warm hands on her face. His words seemed oddly familiar and brought sincere tears to her eyes; she had to swallow back a lump in her throat. 

“Steve,” she said with a trembling voice. “You don’t understand how wonderful you make me feel. You treat me like a real lady, it’s the first time I feel… normal.” She was almost in tears now, haunted by the ghosts of all the past relationships that had hurt her, but she bravely fought not to let go in his arms.

Steve held her close to him for the best 15 seconds of his life so far. Her hair smelled sweet and different than anything he’d ever experienced. He could feel her heart beating next to his.

“I’ve admired you at work for what has felt like such a long time. There have been days where the only good thing I had going was walking by your office door, and I lo—.” He felt her body trembling and pulled back from her. “Crackers! You must be freezing; the wind just cuts right through. Let’s get you inside.”

“It’s-it’s okay,” she lied, slightly disappointed to be removed from the tender hug. She hadn’t expected Steve to be so affectionate on a first date, probably thinking too much of his old-fashioned upbringing. She had to remind herself that he was a guy like any other and he had been in the Army. He was sweet but no angel, and she didn’t really mind that at all.

As they neared the restaurant, Steve saw that while the sign was lit, the door and windows were dark. A note written hastily in Sharpie on notebook paper was taped on the door:

Closed Early. Will reopen Monday 11AM.


	6. Chapter 6

“No way!” she mewled, and an indignant gasp escaped her lips as she saw the note. She stomped her heel on the ground, and then her analytic mind was racing for the next action. _Taking him home?_ But she couldn’t offer him a proper meal there. _Order pizzas?_ After all his efforts it would seem so cheap! 

She had to find something because it was way too early to end. Their date was perfect, and she wanted to stay with him until she was too exhausted to even think. A slight urgency was starting as her bladder was bringing itself to her attention.

“This is too bad,” she pouted. “I would take you to my place but my… my fridge is empty.” She hoped the lie wouldn’t be too obvious. “We could still order something though, or if you prefer to postpone and go home…”

Steve felt his stomach drop when she mentioned postponing and going home, his head snapped to face her.

“NO! I… I don’t want to end it like this. I’m sorry, Pippa. I don’t understand. I called them three times to verify our reservation. Why would they close early on a Saturday night?” He sighed and then looked around, noticing many of the other shops and cafes were closed as well.

“I-it’s okay,” she shook her head to reassure him. “I swear it’s okay, it’s not your fault. It seems to be an off day for the whole block.”

“I promised you an Italian dinner, what if… what if I cooked for you? We could stop by a market or deli, and I’ll make something for you.” He was going to try to make this bad situation work, and he really hoped she didn’t want to end the date already.

She licked her bottom lip and added with a sorry smile. “Steve, you really don’t have to go through the hell of cooking for me. I’m not so exigent; we can get take-out or something. I really don’t wanna be a diva; anything will be good for me.” She was playing with the buttons of his jacket as she spoke, fidgeting like a little mouse.

The cold wind was getting under the warm jacket despite her efforts. She tried to control her shaking shoulders, and it wasn’t helping with the natural whims of her body. She didn’t want to risk humiliation by going to public toilets, not with Steve around.

“Well, let’s start walking, and we’ll leave it to chance. If we hit an open deli before getting to the apartment, I’ll run in real quick and grab a few things. I really don’t mind, in fact I rather like cooking. If we don’t go by a store, we’ll call something in.”

He flexed his fingers, the cold was starting to get to him. He took some deep breaths to keep calm and flashed his Captain America smile.

“Which way? I’ll follow your lead.” 

She wasn’t a firm believer, but right then Pippa prayed to every single deity she could think of to make sure she hadn’t left anything embarrassing out in her apartment. She took his arm and started walking quickly toward her street.

“Don’t worry, we’re close!” she smiled. She decided to tip the scale a bit to give Steve what he seemed to want, so she did a quick detour to pass by a small store she knew. “Maybe you can find what you need here?” she suggested as Steve opened the door. 

“Here, you pick out a bottle of white; whatever you want. I’ll grab the rest and meet you at the counter. It won’t take any time at all.”

Pippa picked a bottle, forcing herself not to choose the cheapest. After all, she was happy with the turn of events: they would be forced to stay at home, nobody could ruin the evening with a comment, and perhaps, she dreamed, something would happen and Steve would have to stay the night. She ignored her silly teenage-girl’s fantasy and saw him at the register.

Steve was back in less than 5 minutes with a handbasket filled with produce, a packet of bacon, dried pasta, a loaf of bread, and a few other items. He held a large carton of eggs with his other hand.

As the cashier was ringing everything up, a thought flashed through his mind— he hadn’t asked Pippa what kind of food she wanted. He tried to remember what she had been eating whenever he saw her at the S.H.I.E.L.D. cafeteria, but he had only really focused on her face during those times, not her plate.

“Do you eat pork? I don’t have to use it; I can make something else if you don’t like it.”

“Oh, pork? Uh… yes don’t worry, I like almost everything, except perhaps raw squid and brains!” she grinned, because she had learned that the hard way. Pippa let him pay, at least it would be way less expensive than a diner in a restaurant, but insisted on carrying one of the bags. The wind was even stronger, and they walked quickly to her building, almost running. Once they were inside the hall, she let out a deep sigh and laughed softly.

“Two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, we obviously couldn’t have had an average date, right?” Steve took the bag she was carrying so she’d be able to find her keys. 

“Pippa,” he chuckled, “I don’t think any time I spent with you would be just average.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter but we hope you're still with us and enjoy the way things are going as much as we do!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hey there, we hope you're still with us, we have all been quite busy but we don't forget about you! Here's some more fluff, hope you all like it.)

If he let himself go, getting lost in her laugh or her smile or how soft her hand was, everything was easy. He could be suave and charming. But if he really thought about the consequences of messing up, he began to doubt himself, stumbling over his words. As he followed her into the apartment, he tried hard not to think of all the ways he could disappoint her.

“Make yourself at home!” she exclaimed as she entered, putting down her purse on a chair. She turned around, removed the leather jacket, and pointed a finger right in the middle of Steve’s chest. “I mean it, seriously. I really want you to be comfortable here; that’s what friends are for.”

As she started to turn on the lights all over her small apartment, Pippa wondered why she had just said “friends.” She didn’t want to impose the word “girlfriend” yet, not before he made it official. But perhaps was it too cold?

Upon her insistence to be comfortable, Steve toed off his shoes by the door, and as Pippa turned on the lamps, Steve couldn’t help but smile. Her apartment was such a reflection of the agent - beautiful, sophisticated, and warm.

To try sounding more friendly, she came back to him and gestured towards her kitchen. “Here’s everything I have, there are a lot of utensils that were never used. I hope you’ll find what you need. If I can help you with something, as long as it’s not too technical, or difficult…”

When he saw the daisies he had given her in a vase on the small bistro table in the kitchen, Steve bit at his lower lip. He put the bags down on the counter and pulled out a chair.

“Well, you could then talk to me while pouring us some of this lovely wine you selected. I like hearing your voice. And then all you would need to do is continuing looking pretty and directing me where you keep things like your cutting board and a knife.” He undid his cuffs to roll up his sleeves. His large arms flexing as he then took off his watch and washed his hands at the sink.

“Pretty much everything is in the cupboard here, some stuff is not even unwrapped actually, but first I have important business,” she blushed, fidgeting nervously. She jumped out of her heels and ran to the bathroom. It’s only when she was alone that she let the importance of the situation sink in. Steve Rogers was here, cooking for her. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve it but she was the luckiest girl in the world, nothing less! And the most cursed one; she couldn’t mess this one up!

When she came back to the kitchen after washing her hands and checking her makeup and hair, she sat in the chair where she could see him entirely, unable to suppress the stupid grin on her face. Steve already had the bacon started in a pan and a pot on to boil. He was chopping the asparagus into small bites.

“You are amazing Steve, is there something you can’t do? How did you learn how to cook?”

“Well, first off: there’s a lot I can’t do! This one time I was trying to make chocolate covered things— strawberries, pretzels, marshmallows. I had seen it done on a cooking show, but I just didn’t have the patience to temper it properly. By the end, my entire kitchen looked like I had fought some cocoa super villain. Weeks later I would still find bits of chocolate on cabinets.”

He put the asparagus and pasta into the water, took out the now crisp bacon, and threw a large handful of chopped garlic into the fat. He then started cracking eggs into a bowl. Pippa filled two glasses with the wine and took it as an opportunity to get closer to Steve; she didn’t miss a move he did, and yet she didn’t understand but her stomach was starting to protest.

“I watched my Ma cook when I was young. She had a real gift for making anything taste good. The things available then weren’t as good as they are now, so that’s really saying something. She was a nurse and when she’d have to work evening shifts, I’d go over and stay with a neighbor, Mrs. Maggiano or Mrs. Rosenblatt, and I’d watch how they would cook. They’d use different food or techniques. Since waking up, I watch a lot of cooking channels.”

“It already smells delicious,” she sighed happily. “I can’t thank you enough. This date is so perfect, I don’t know how I can beat that.”

She hoped she didn’t sound too needy, too in love because as silly as it sounded, she was close to falling for him. She observed in silence his bright eyes, focused on their task, his broad hands that were so delicate when they handled food. He seemed melancholic but that made him even more beautiful.

Steve started quickly grating the large chunk of Parmesan cheese into a second bowl. He realized that this was the first time he had cooked for someone else besides his mother or Bucky, and he tried to quiet the small voice in his head.

“ _It could be like this every night when both of you were off missions—if you don’t screw it up. You would make dinner, you would talk, you would read while resting your head on her lap, you would fall asleep with your arm around her, you would train together, you would go dancing together, you would go to work with her, you’d be together_.” He snapped back to his task when he had decimated the cheese and the grater scrapped his knuckles.

“Are you okay?” she exclaimed, immediately jumping to her feet and opening the drawer where she kept her box of band-aids and disinfectant, her indispensable survival kit in the kitchen.

“Oh, I-- I’m fine.” He rinsed his hand under the tap and then held it up for her to inspect. “See? It was just a small scrape, and I’m already good as new. My pride on the other hand…” Steve sheepishly smiled. “I can punch Adolf Hitler in the jaw, no problem, but Parmesan cheese got the best of me, and in front of my girl, too.” His cheeks immediately reddened. With her so close, he had got caught up again in her spell, saying too much, being too loose with how he really felt.

Pippa grinned, absolutely certain her cheeks were crimson red and she tried to contain her glee. She took his hand nonetheless and inspected him for a second before kissing the tender skin that was already healing. He smelled like food and soap, and his skin was soft like a baby’s.

“Seemed pretty serious to me, I hope a magic kiss will help you heal faster,” she said with a wink and calmly came back to her seat. Inside she was boiling though, just like the water in the pan, and she was hoping for the moment to last forever.

Her touch and kiss had made him feel light headed, and he considered for a second she might actually be magic. Softly he managed to say, “Dinner will be ready in about three minutes.”

She set a table in the living room where there was more room, placing on a side the daisies he had given her and a few small Ikea candles she always bought but never used.

He meanwhile worked quickly: draining the pasta and veg, tossing them in the drippings, adding the bacon pieces, the beaten eggs, and finally the cheese. Once it was mixed well, he tested and then finished it with the right amount of salt, pepper, and chopped parsley.

Steve plated the dish and grabbed the bread to serve with it. He balanced the plates, the loaf, and his wine glass as he walked to the table she had set.

“It’s ready! It’s not as fancy as I’m sure you are used to having, but I hope you like it: Spaghetti Carbonara a la Rogers.” He couldn’t help biting his lower lip again, waiting for her to take a bite.

“It’s surely much fancier than what I usually have at home dear,” Pippa assured, eyes shining like a kid on Christmas as she admired the plate. “You haven’t tasted my burnt box mac’n’cheese.”

She waited for Steve to settle, not sure if he wanted to say grace or not, and understood that he absolutely wanted her to taste his dish so she started. It tasted even better than it smelled, and the surprised moan she let out was slightly indecent.

“This is so delicious!” she exclaimed. “I swear, it reminds me of--” She greedily took another bite. “--of a small restaurant I ate at in Italy during the Caravaggio mission.”

Steve’s chest swelled with pride. Things were working out better than he could have imagined; here in Pippa’s apartment he could sense how much more at ease she was. The restaurant’s being closed still didn’t make sense to him, but when he saw her smile he really didn’t care.

She ate with a sincere smile and added, “As a kid I should have watched my mom cook more often instead of fighting villains with your action figure.”

“I think the world is a much better place because you got good practice fighting villains, Pippa. I know I’m glad for the times you’ve been my back up during missions.” He took a bite and smiled, remembering their first mission together in Kosovo and how without her, he wouldn’t have made it out. He tore a piece of bread from the loaf and offered it to her.

“It’s okay,” she shrugged as she dipped a piece of bread in the rich sauce. “You’re stunning on the field, I mean literally stunning for some bad guys. You just need to adjust to new settings, but you’re getting used to our era very quickly. I don’t think I would have handled it as easily if I had been sent to the 1940’s.”

He swallowed when she had mentioned his adjusting; he had been working hard to fit in, or at least not stick out. Things would still come up now and then that would knock him back.  
Stark particularly tried to tease and get at him, and Steve was sure that’s why he’d told him about Pippa’s past. When Steve had not been scandalized (he may not have done much himself, but he had grown up in New York City and toured through Europe during the war), Stark seemed rather disappointed.

“There’s also dessert, so don’t worry that this is all you were going to get tonight.”

“ _Look at you_ ,” she thought. “ _You’re always depressed, you always think you’ve only made bad moves in life and now you’ve got Steve Rogers in your house, cooking just for you. Is there really anything to complain about_?”

“Dessert also? You know you really shouldn’t have!” she sighed, still happy as ever as she cleaned her plate with her bread. “Okay I appreciate that a lot; I’m not gonna lie. I should hire you as my personal caterer, you would make my meals more balanced.”

She winked and looked at her glass of wine. She would have to slow down, it was delicious but it was starting to make her flirty, and she didn’t want to upset him with a too cheeky behavior.

“I’d make you dinner any time you wanted, Pippa.” He loved saying her name. “You wouldn’t even have to pay me money; I’d be happy working for those pretty smiles you give.”

He gathered their plates and took them back to the kitchen. In no time at all he returned with two cupcakes on a dish.

“It’s not the same as having a whole dessert cart to choose from, but I got one chocolate and one lemon chiffon, the lady’s choice.”

“Oh, the dilemma,” Pippa sighed in a tragic tone, a hand on her heart. “Lemon would be lighter but I’ve never heard of a girl who can resist chocolate so let’s share both?”

She placed the small plate between them and started to eat, taking a piece of one of the cupcakes. Over the table, her hand was close to his, and she covered the distance to brush her fingers against Steve’s. She would give anything for many other dates like this one, even just eating a hot-dog and watching “MythBusters” would be enough for her as long as she was in his company.


	8. Chapter 8

You mentioned dancing earlier,” she reminded him, licking chocolate off her bottom lip. “Do you have a favorite kind of music to dance to? What are you used to, I might have a few playlists that match your taste, maybe some good old Fred Astaire?” Steve wiped away the crumbs from the side of his mouth.

“I haven’t actually danced with another person, just have watched things on YouTube, and tried things out at home by myself. Would you like to gamble on my ability to apply theory to practice?” He stood and offered his hand to her.

As she set up the stereo, he was thankful that they weren’t out in public with other people watching. If he messed up, at least other people wouldn’t think less of Pippa for being with such a dolt. He shook out his nervousness, and as the music started, he slipped one arm around her waist the other cradling her hand near his chest. His lips close to her ear.

“Let’s go slow,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally step on your feet.” He was glad she couldn’t see how scared he was.

“It’s good we aren’t wearing shoes.” She could tell he was nervous and felt a bit herself. She feared his high expectations as in his days, classy women were much more impressive than they were now. As “[I’m Old Fashioned](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYXHeP9PydQ)” started, she tried to find the right moves. One, two, on the right, left, get closer, just as she had learned. Steve felt a little tense in her arms, standing a bit too straight, but his hand on her waist was light, almost shy.

“You’re doing great!” she encouraged him as they dared to spin around the room. Second after second they relaxed more and soon were dancing to the music without caring about anything else, not counting the steps or the rhythm anymore.

As the song went on, his moves became more fluid, and he was actually enjoying himself rather than being nervous or scared. He pulled back a bit so he could look at her face more easily as they moved across the room. He could definitely tell that she was being modest earlier. She moved with such grace and beauty; he marveled that she did it all with any serum. When the song ended, they stood still in each other’s arms.

“Pippa?” He was looking down into her sweet eyes, scanning her face. “Earlier in the kitchen, I said…” He pulled in closer to her as the next song started to play. “I know it’s not how people really do this now, but I’ve liked tonight so much. I like spending time with you so much. I like you so much. Would you be my girl?”

She looked down, smiling, her cheeks flushed as she tried to gather her words. She knew if she opened her mouth right now nothing clever would come out. After ten seconds that felt like hours, Pippa looked up at him and squeezed his hand.

“You don’t have to ask, Steve. I’m already your girl. There’s nothing I would like more than being with you, I-- I don’t wanna be just your girlfriend, I wanna be your best friend, your confident, the one you’ll come to see when you’re blue. I want to make you feel safe. You’re exceptional and you already have my heart, dear.”

The sweet confession burned her lips but Pippa couldn’t help it. She was falling for him faster than she ever had for anyone else. Her words left him speechless. He was expecting a ‘not yet,’ hoping desperately for a ‘yes.’ But her response was so much better than what he had imagined. That a woman as strong and lovely as Pippa would give her heart to him, overwhelmed him.

So many things had happened in his life that had lead him to believe he couldn’t have this. That having someone to care for, and to care for him, was something always beyond his grasp. And now, here she was, in his arms, dancing with him, telling him her desires that mirrored his own. In that moment, a loneliness that had been with him since before the ice, before the war, and even before he lost his mother— lifted.

He kept his one arm around her waist, but brought the other to lightly cup her neck. Hyper aware of keeping his super-strength in check, he made his touch soft and gentle. Then, as Fred Astaire sang about “[being in Heaven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MwDigSdrtw),” for the first time in Steve Rogers’ life, he initiated a kiss.

More than the dance, the dinner, the wonderful afternoon they had had together, his face when she gave him permission to consider her his girl was so proud and filled with joy that Pippa felt like a precious gem for a moment. She tilted her head, resisted the urge to meet him halfway to allow herself for once not to be in charge, and melted in his arms when their lips touched.

She felt so good against him, she felt frail and petite next to such a big frame, and as cliché as it sounded, she loved to be protected as a princess for once, not being as tall and strong as her boyfriend. They would find a good balance, she would probably go back to her strong resolve later. For the moment, she wanted to enjoy her evening and the sweet formalization of their relationship. For once, at the beginning of something, she wasn’t scared because it was Steve Rogers, the most trustworthy man on Earth.

“Good cook, good kisser, good man-- what else could I want?” she whispered against his lips, nose touching his.

“ _So Bucky was right: kiss a girl and she’ll tell you what she’s thinking one way or the other_ ,” Steve thought as he licked at his bottom lip and kissed her again.

“Well, whatever it would be, I would get it for you. I would be it for you. Whatever you would wish for, nothing would be too much for My Girl Pippa.” He swayed them side to side along with the music but didn’t move his feet.

When the song ended, he heard it: a “splat” against the large window of her living room. Then more followed, louder and their pace quickening. Steve and Pippa looked at each other then together moved towards it. As she pulled the curtains back, he gasped at the street below. In the less than two hours they had been in her apartment, it had snowed at least twenty inches, and now a heavy wintry mix of snow and sleet, whipped by the wind, assaulted the window. The city was in the middle of an atypical early spring blizzard.

Steve quickly stepped back from the window, his face pale, and stumbled on his own feet. Losing his balance, he fell and landed with a loud “thud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert tragic OST* Awww...


	9. Chapter 9

Pippa was fuming; she had checked the forecasts from S.H.I.E.L.D. meteorologists yesterday, and there had been nothing about the weather being this bad. Her anger disappeared though when she turned around and looked at Steve on the floor, his skin pale as a ghost.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked instinctively before reading the fear on his face. Pippa shook her head, sorry to be so slow sometimes. It wasn’t the kind of PTSD she was used to dealing with, yet her old instincts came back as she knelt beside him.

Steve was shaking and his chest felt too tight. He was trying desperately to get a decent breath, but it was like the ice-water was rushing over him again. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the snow hitting the window. He thought he heard a voice speaking, but it was faint and distant like the radio was cutting out.

“Steve, eyes on me,” she softly ordered as she tried to evaluate the intensity of the young soldier’s anxiety. “You’re safe here. You’re not going anywhere. You’re in a safe place, nothing can happen to us here. Okay?”

When Pippa touched his face as she ordered him to look at her, he turned in her direction. He then realized where he was and became embarrassed at his reaction. 

“Pippa, I-- I‘m sorry.” He took in a deep breath and tried to will himself to stop shaking. “I didn’t know the weather would get like this. I didn’t plan for it to be like this.” He clutched the hem of her blouse as his eyes were starting to water. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay sweetheart,” Pippa sighed. The way he looked at her, desperate and terrified made her lose her professional tone as she needed to take care of her boyfriend.

“Come here,” she invited as she pulled him to his feet, shocked by the large trembling body, and lead him to the couch. She wrapped a plaid blanket around his shoulders hoping it would help with his shakes. She reached to pull the curtains, banishing the white mess that her street now was, and came back to him.

“It’s okay, nothing can happen to you here. My heating works perfectly, and I have enough food in my cupboards to survive for a month at least. You don’t have to worry, it can’t reach you here.” She kissed his forehead tenderly, wrapping her arms around to rock him against her chest, and repeating in her head all the methods she had learned just in case he had a severe breakdown.

Being held in her arms, Steve felt himself starting to calm back down. He could breathe again and his muscles relaxed in her embrace. This was so different than the times he would wake up from a nightmare alone, terrified, and in pain. The smell of her perfume grounded him here; he was safe; no, they were safe. He wasn’t going to be ripped from this time, away from her.   
Things had been going so well, and now he had done this. It was so much better for him with her there, but he hadn’t wanted her to know this about him. He didn’t want anyone to know, but especially not his girl. His face started to burn in shame.

“Some Captain America I am,” he whispered. 

“Hey, this is just another reason Captain America has a handler,” Pippa replied softly as she pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. “Even if I weren’t your girl, I’d be there for you, you know that. This is also my job, and my pride, to be there to help the Captain and all of my agents. Of course I wouldn’t have hugged or kissed you, but hey, I’ve acquired some nice privileges recently.”

She ran her fingers in his blond strands, massaging his scalp tenderly. He smiled and leaned into her touch, realizing how desperate he had been for it, for her. Seeing him so human made her heart swell. When his bright blue eyes reflected so much fear, he looked like the very young man he still was, a boy who had lived and seen too much. It made her love him even more.

“Besides, you’ll see me freak out soon enough, don’t worry. That’s what partners are for,” she muttered shyly before getting up. “A hot drink would be more than appropriate right now, what’s your preference? Cocoa or herbal tea?” When she moved away from him, he had to suppress a whimper. 

“A hot chocolate, please,” he tried sounding firm, but he didn’t have the air to really support it, and it sounded soft and faint. 

He watched her walk back into the kitchen, the stereo still playing, but after a moment he felt cold and shaky again. Steve rose and steadied himself, then walked slowly to the kitchen. Pippa was taking the chocolate powder out when she heard the soft steps a less experienced agent wouldn’t have noticed. He slid up behind her and wrapped both his arms around her waist. Leaning down, he kissed the back of her neck and nuzzled just below her ear.

“Thank you, Pippa, for being here for me.” He squeezed her for a moment. “I feel stronger with you next to me,” he whispered. 

Was it even possible to be so strong and delicate? She relaxed against his chest with a content sigh, shivered as his lips found a spot on her neck that made her entire body tingle. Was he even aware of the effect he had on people? Pippa swallowed and turned her head to kiss his jaw.

“You don’t have to thank me… I’m going to stay by your side for as long as you want me, trust me, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, not really ready to remove herself from his embrace, and quickly prepared two mugs of steamy chocolate in which she dropped a few marshmallows. Steve’s hands were still weak, on the verge of shaking so she took both mugs and turned around to give him one.

He took a sip of the drink and then licked the foam from his upper lip. “You better be careful with what you say; I’d hold you to that promise, Pippa. Then you’d be stuck with me because… when… when I…” he trailed off as his hands started to shake slightly again. He took a deep breath and then continued. “When I hold you, I want to never let you go.” Pippa looked right into his wet eyes, so many shades of blue forming the sweetest look.

“What’s this?” she sighed as she brushed her thumb on his cheek. “You seem so sad sometimes. You know, I’m starting to think that we found each other because we’re two lonely hearts, different sides of the same coin.” She took his hand and brought him back to the couch, waiting for him to sit before asking as she moved to sit across his lap. “May I…?”

Steve swallowed and then smiled. “As you wish, Princess.” When he felt her weight on his thighs, his heart started to beat faster.

“Oh I hope I’m not too heavy,” she blushed with a terribly feminine modesty she couldn’t help. She folded her legs on his side and sat on his thighs side saddle, drinking half of her mug in a series of quick sips. Used to burning coffee, she didn’t mind at all.

“Do you feel a bit better?” she asked worriedly as she snuggled closer.

“I do.”

“You scared me a little, I didn’t know the snow still upset you so much.”

“I’m sorry, Pippa. I didn’t want to scare you. I never wanted to do that in front of you.” His hands lazily stroked up and down the small of her back.

“We have very good therapists at S.H.I.E.L.D., you could perhaps go talk with one? Dr. Kelvin is very understanding and knows how to deal with severe traumas of a supernatural nature.”

“I’m usually ok; it just took me by surprise that’s all, and your window reminded me of… of the plane. When I have nightmares or I get confused about the year, I usually go for a run or to the gym and that helps. I don’t tell my therapist about this. No one knows this happens. I can’t talk to anybody about this.”

He paused for a few seconds and then added, “but it seems I can talk to you about this.” Steve kissed her on the cheek and pulled her closer to him. He loved the way she felt in his lap, so small but strong. She rested her cheek on his chest, thrilled by the proximity of the huge comfortable pillow he made, and sighed. 

“You can talk to me,” she whispered between soft kisses. “To us even, we’re-- you’re-- all a team of train wrecks, most worse than you. No one’s gonna judge you.” She took a breath, looked into his eyes, so gentle and loving and as she brushed her thumb on the soft skin of his cheek, she kissed him again, daring this time to nibble on his luscious bottom lip.

He pulled back a bit. “You don’t think that you aren’t a part of the team, do you? Of course you’re an Avenger, too. We would be nothing without our handler.” Steve stroked her hair back. “I don’t even want to think about what Stark would be like without you around, keeping him in line.” 

His kisses were making her shiver. They had all told her, one by one, that she was an Avenger, too, but she sometimes didn’t believe it. She was just the girl in the shadows. 

“You’re still shaken, your heart’s beating so fast!”

“My heart isn’t beating fast because of the snow, Sweetheart.” He smiled as he tilted her chin up and kissed her sweet lips. Pippa purred in the kiss and had to put her mug on the coffee table not to spill it on the couch. 

“You’re so wonderful, Pippa, so beautiful. I don’t know what to do with myself.” He started give her small kisses behind her ear and down her neck. Having calmed down from the shock of the storm, he started thinking now of how fortunate it had turned out.

She had said he didn’t have to leave, and he wanted so badly to stay there, with her, on his lap, in his arms. He understood why teenagers on the train these days would neck like this; he didn’t approve of doing it out in public like that, but he understood how hard it was to stop. It would have been difficult for him to leave even if there hadn’t been a storm. Hell, it would have been difficult if there had been a call for the Avengers to assemble. 

Steve was much bolder than she thought for a boy from his era who had never had a proper date before; his hands and kisses were soft and tender, and it started to worry Pippa. This was going faster than she expected, which meant the big day would be sooner than she had thought, and she felt her own fears and insecurities start up.

“Thank you for everything, Steve. I had the most perfect evening,” she murmured against his cheek. “If you don’t know what to do with yourself, I know that you’re not leaving tonight, you’re gonna stay warm in here with me, and I might even try to make French toast for breakfast tomorrow.” 

“I like French toast. I bet it’ll be great.” He kissed her one more time. “I had a great night, too. You made it wonderful.” Then, he realized he really didn’t know what to do with himself. Clint had given him a run down on modern women and modern dating, but none of that covered being snowed-in together on a first date. He had no idea what she expected of him, although it did sound like she tired of having to deal with him and was giving the ‘end of the date’ speech.

“So, where do you want me to bed down for the night?” he asked, trying to keep the disappointment of being separated from her out of his voice. 

Pippa tried to keep her mind clear as that little mischievous voice in her head, the same who often convinced her to get new shoes, talked about keeping Steve in her bed tonight and then ever after. She entwined their fingers and thought about all the aspects of the problem.

“You’re my guest, so I would be glad to let you use my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch; I really don’t mind.”

“I under no circumstances would take your bed while you slept on the couch, Sweetheart. That’s just not going to happen, ever. I’ll take the couch.”

“Well, it would be better if we were together in case you have another anxiety moment during the night.” She kissed the tip of his nose, amazed by the complicity they had created in a few hours. “We can share my bed; I promise I’ll keep my hands in appropriate places,” she nervously chuckled. 

“I think if I have a nightmare it might be better if you were with me, I mean next to me. I mean, you made me feel so much better earlier, and usually it takes about an hour for me to calm back down. And I don’t know how good of a bunk mate I actually make although Bucky did once tell me that I don’t snore, but that I was as hot as a furnace.” He realized he was rambling and looked down at their entwined fingers.

“I can lend you some old t-shirts that I’ve kept, they’re probably too tight but it’s better than nothing.” 

“I don’t want to ruin them by stretching them out. Anything you would have certainly wouldn’t fit me; you’re so petite!” She smiled bit at her lip at the compliment, and a thought crossed Steve’s mind.

“Pippa, you have to promise me that if you feel uncomfortable at all, for any reason, at anytime during the night, you’ll tell me, and I’ll come sleep out here. I won’t even step into your room until you swear to me you can do that, Pippa.” 

“Oh Steve…” she sighed, shaking her head with a smile. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m probably gonna spend a long, long time in the bathroom before I dare to let you see me in my nightwear but otherwise don’t worry I-- I can take care of myself. The last man who was rude and tried inappropriate behaviors when I wasn’t comfortable with it ended with my fist on his nose.”

“I know you can take care of yourself; I have no doubt of that, but I’d rather you tell me then get to the point where you’d want to punch me in the nose. You’re so lovely, Pippa; I don’t want to hurt you in any way. Promise me, please. This is important to me; I don’t want you to think I’m pressing an advantage.” 

She was going to say something witty and avoid the topic again, but she knew she had to stop pretending she didn’t care. He was the first person to actually give her in advance an opportunity to back up, the first who cared enough to put her happiness before his. So she kissed his palm tenderly and smiled. “I promise. Thank you very much. Really. I swear; I’ll tell you.”

She got up, suddenly cold without Steve’s arms around her. “As for those old t-shirts, I must still have some from college; I wore less tight clothes back then.”

“Ok, I trust your judgment; after all, you did such a great job on my uniform; you are very good at dressing me.” He stood up to follow after her. She turned around and took his hands, smiling up at him as she walked backward to her bedroom.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come here,” she invited as she turned off the lights. “I have something to tell you, and I’m so brave I’m gonna hide in the dark.”

She started going through a drawer filled with old t-shirts and found the largest one. “Here, and don’t worry I don’t wear them anymore, you can rip it off if you need,” she joked before backing up to the bathroom. “I’ll be back quickly!”

Which wasn’t true at all, she knew too well. She hesitated for a while, decided not to remove her makeup. She would wake up earlier tomorrow and correct it; it would be better than Steve seeing her without. She then picked a cute baby-doll that covered from her chest to her knees,not too sexy,and looked at her breasts with a pout.

A year and a half on HRT and she barely had the boobs of a skinny teenager. She quickly looked at her crotch in her lace panties as she got dressed. _You, I already don’t like you very much but if you betray me tonight I am SO done with you!_ She checked her entire body one last time for remaining hairs in inappropriate places then came back to her room, shy as a little mouse.

Meanwhile, Steve had swiftly unbuttoned his dress shirt and pulled the collegiate ringer t-shirt over his head. It was snug across his chest and his arms but didn’t feel like it was choking him about his neck. He then took a deep breath, unbuckled his belt, and slipped off his pants. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous; she had seen him in his Captain America uniform and that was much tighter than the blue boxer shorts he was wearing, but this seemed different. He folded his clothes into a small pile on the chaise in the corner, and finally placed his socks, watch, wallet, and dog tags on the top.

He looked the room over and smiled at how different it was from his. It was brimming with her personality and still tidy. He thought of his bedroom and how barren it was. He would have been embarrassed by his whole apartment actually if they had been snowed in there instead.

“Maybe she would help me pick out a few things so it would be more hospitable when I had company over,” he said aloud to himself as he sat and brushed his hand over the soft down comforter on the bed. He didn’t ever have company over, but he realized now he wanted to have her over and for her to be as comfortable as he had been. He traced the pattern of the fabric with his fingers until he heard her soft footsteps at the door. He jumped to his feet and clasped his hands in front of himself.

“Ah, Pippa! I… uh… I didn’t want to presume which side you prefer.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He had thought she would wear a t-shirt and sleep pants like the women he saw on TV shows, but he wasn’t complaining. She looked so feminine and sweet in the nightgown.  
“I’m sorry if I’m sounding like a broken record, but Pippa, you look so beautiful. I don’t know if I could say something else.” Pippa blushed, straightening invisible folds on her dress and walked clumsily to the bed to turn on the lamp that created a warm cosy atmosphere.

“Thank you so much.” She turned off the ceiling lights and quickly checked her bedside: cellphone and PDA for emergencies, tissues, mask and earplugs for the times she had to sleep during the day, as well as a small bag of candies for late night readings.  
“I… I’m gonna take my usual side if you don’t mind? It will be easier for me to find my stuff, you know… just in case?” She patted the bed to invite Steve to sit with her and brushed her fingers on his jaw.

“Steve, what you asked of me, it’s the same for you. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you have every right to tell me, and I repeat, I really, really don’t mind sleeping on the couch. I do it very often when we have crazy schedules at S.H.I.E.L.D., you know.” She wrapped her arms around her folded legs. “I know things are going fast between us and if something bothers you, don’t hesitate to tell me, sweet prince.”

“If I feel uncomfortable, I will tell you, and I’ll sleep on the couch. What kind of prince would I be to kick the princess out of her bed?” He moved closer to her and caressed her face. Steve stopped, looked away from her, and licked at his bottom lip. They were going fast, but he couldn’t deny his feelings. He had heard of other soldiers who had ended a first date with a trip to City Hall during the war. Before tonight he couldn’t understand how they could be so sure, but now he knew.

He looked so beautiful when he was insecure, he seemed to doubt, to hesitate, not knowing his place in the world yet and it made Pippa sad. Despite the horrors he had seen, the things he had done, he was pure in every possible way. And she didn’t want to hurt him.

“Come here,” she invited as she turned off the lights. “I have something to tell you, and I’m so brave I’m gonna hide in the dark.” Her tone was cynical, but she hoped she was making the right move. Burying her face in his strong shoulders, she took a deep breath; she preferred to drop it now instead of keeping everything to herself and lose it in the most inappropriate times.

“Steve, I… ” she started, arms around his large torso as tears burned her eyes. “Being in a body you feel is not yours is such a burden, it’s… it’s every day, every second, it’s something always on your mind. You forget for a while but then you sit a certain way, and you remember you’re not… like the others. And I am so sorry to share this burden with you, but I preferred to warn you.

“If I ever freak out, it will never be because of you, never. You’re charming, you’re a gentleman, you’re perfect to me, I just… I’m trying hard, but I’m not at peace with myself, and I know that taking my clothes off is so hard. It makes me feel so insecure, sometimes I don’t even dare to do it when I’m on my own because then I’m not a pretty girl anymore. I… I’m sorry, if I ever lose it one day when I’m with you just please, forgive me.”

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the very low light. He could just barely make out her silhouette, but could hear the tears in her voice. He embraced her and felt her trembling.  
“I want you to share this burden with me. I want to help you shoulder it. I could never hold it against you for losing it. We all have those moments, right? I had one tonight, and you were so good to me.” He moved his hand up and down her back; trying to sooth her, he kissed her temple.  
“So the two of us could help carry the other’s burdens until we’ve found the peace we seek. If for the next 50 years you never once wanted to remove your clothes, my feelings for you wouldn’t lessen one bit.” She was right, it was easier to talk in the dark. Pippa couldn’t help chuckling ; she didn’t think she’d have fifty years but the fact that he could see so far was reassuring. She didn’t want to think about everything wrong that could happen.

“I just,” he continued, “I just worry I’m going to say something or do something that is going to upset or hurt you. I… I need you to show me how I can take care of you.” Steve’s face was radiating heat from his confession.

“You won’t hurt me, I’m… I feel there’s nothing I couldn’t forgive you,” she smiled, kissing his cheek that seemed hotter than usual. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you. I might be sometimes a little uncomfortable but I’m far from being prude…” She had told Natasha once how frustrating it was having to always give men the manual, and the spy had assured her with a laugh that this was what all women did.

“You’re such a sweetheart. Please, don’t hesitate to wake me up if you have a nightmare tonight okay?” she insisted, poking his stomach. As she felt his abs under her finger she had a little “Oh! Wow, is it even possible to have such hard muscles?” Pippa giggled.

“Of course it’s possible!” He traveled his hand up her bare and toned arm, softly touching her shoulder. “I bet you’re getting cold.” In a fluid motion, he lifted her single-handedly and stood. Pippa thought about her scale when Steve lifted her so easily and thought that he, at least, didn’t find her heavy at all! She felt good in his arms and, as ashamed as she was to think about such a comparison, it was like driving a big, solid, comfortable and classy Hummer, she felt powerful surrounded by such perfection.

Steve pulled back the bed coverings and gently placed her back in the bed. He then gingerly made his way to the other side of the bed and joined her. As he pulled the sheets and comforter over both of them, Steve felt a warmth and calm he had never experienced before. A loud yawn escaped from her, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

“Sorry I was a bit nervous, and I didn’t sleep that much last night.” He put his arm around her, absentmindedly rubbing small circles on her back. The sound of her yawning made him yawn.

“Nothing to apologize for; it’s been a long day.” He then was silent for a few minutes, listening to the sound of her soft even breathing and feeling her body move with it. “Thank you, Pippa,” he whispered, and finally closed his eyes.

She felt herself drift off and struggled to stay awake like a kid on Christmas who wants to wait for Santa, but the calm rhythm of his breathing, the soothing patterns he traced on her back were just enough to make her feel good and she fell into a dreamless sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good morning...

His clock was gone, and this wasn’t his bed. He started to panic for a slight second, but then Pippa sighed and he remembered where he was. He also realized that he urgently needed to use the toilet. 

As delicately as he could, he slid out from their entanglement and tried not to make much noise. When he returned to the bed, Pippa immediately moved back to him. He smiled and settled back in, falling into a peaceful sleep until after a few hours he felt her start to stir. 

During the night she snuggled closer, instinctively seeking his warmth in positions she would have never dared when she was conscious, and when she woke up, a little foggy, she was draped over him, almost laying on top of him, one leg pushed up on his stomach and her face in his neck.

“Is it a good morning?” he whispered. 

“Hmmm I think it is,” she smiled sleepily, only a few inches away from his face. “Hope I’m not too heavy because I found myself a comfortable bolster.” Reality hit her suddenly, and she got off of him, fully awake, opened her drawer to find a small mirror, and started checking her makeup. Fortunately it wasn’t too bad, but as she sat on the edge of the bed, she had to force herself to face Steve, sorry for her ridiculous behaviour. 

“I, uh… hm, sorry…” She returned to her still warm place between the sheets. “Just wanted to check, uh… did you sleep well? I slept like a baby, not a single nightmare, no insomnia… I wasn’t cold at all. Just perfect.” She readjusted the strap of her nightgown on her shoulder to be more decent and slid a hand on Steve’s side. Steve hummed at her touch.

“I slept better last night than I have in decades, and I think--” He kissed her sweetly on the tip of her nose. “--I now have a rather fond memory to associate with snow storms instead of all the… others.” He pulled her close to him again and kissed her temple. 

“Hm, hm… I should check the weather,” she mumbled with a pout. “I should get up and get dressed and make breakfast but how could I possibly?” She took her phone on the bedside to check the weather forecast but saw she had a text from Natasha. 

As she turned to reach for her phone, he moved to keep holding on to her. He wrapped an arm around her, spooning her closer to him. It felt so good to stay in the bed with her, he didn’t want leave.

She chuckled and quickly replied that everything was as perfect as it could be.

“I hope you don’t mind I told Natasha about this date; I was just so nervous on Friday afternoon, I really needed to talk to a friend. But it’s Natasha we’re talking about if she can keep government secrets safe, she can be quiet about us if you don’t want S.H.I.E.L.D. to know.”  
“Oh, I don’t mind Ms. Romanoff knowing at all. I may have gotten some advice from Clint about things, but you know, in abstracts. I figured you didn’t want people at S.H.I.E.L.D. to know.” Steve moved her hair to the side and softly kissed her neck.

Pippa shivered, her relaxed body enjoying the simple tenderness of his touch. The small kiss put a smile on her face and she knew she would love to wake up in his arms every time he would want it.

“I’m not a big fan of public displays of affection to be honest. I’m a bit too old-fashioned for that, but I doubt we’ll be able to keep this a secret for too long,” she admitted. “I can act professional but I won’t be able to look at you like you’re just another coworker anymore. Let’s admit it, we’re gonna work with the best agents and heroes in the world, they will understand pretty quickly.”

As Steve held her closer she turned around in his arms and kissed his lips, softly, then a little bit harder. She wasn’t sure she could yet but she felt too good, the moment was too pleasant to be scared, so she tried parting her lips and brushed his with the tip of her tongue, waiting for his approval.

His hand came up to hold her face as their kiss grew more intense. When he felt her tongue, his eyes opened in surprise, but then he relaxed back into the kiss mirroring her movements. His clumsiness was adorable, Pippa felt his hesitations disappear as he relaxed and gave in to the kiss, making her heart flutter. He was starting to feel light-headed and realized he hadn’t been breathing. Steve pulled back, his cheeks flushed, and took a deep breath. 

“So before I was just another co-worker?” he teased. “Not Captain America: national hero, living legend, and all around complete dork who has been unable to look you in the eye for the past month?”

“You…” she licked her lips, her cheeks blushing. “You were Captain America my idol and Steve my new recruit, a lovely agent with good manners and… and perhaps sometimes a poor baby who seemed so lost I wanted to help him but I’m trying to get rid of my protectiveness…” She looked away, sorry to confess her mother instincts. 

“No!” he quickly replied. “Don’t; don’t change that part of you! You are a wonderful handler and an excellent agent because of your protective instincts. Not enough people care like that anymore. Sometimes… sometimes I am a lost soul who needs help. 

“So many people at work are callous and closed off to a fault. Your caring means so much. Most of the time, when I’m not fighting someone, I feel like I was before the serum…”

“I guess the Steve Rogers I met was my soft spot. You don’t want to know how impossible I would have been if I had met you before the serum. I saw a picture, you were really cute.” 

He shook the worry off his face and smiled sweetly at her. “It’s good to know that maybe you would have liked me even without the serum.”

“I’m sure I would have,” she assured. “I don’t remember meeting anyone with a personality like yours. Heh, believe it or not but I didn’t accept just for your beautiful eyes, or…” She looked at his chest with a smile, biting her lower lip to emphasize the other option.”But hm… did you have plans for today?”

“Today? I um… no, not really.”

She moved a few icons on her phone, frowned. “See Steve, one of the most shameful aspects of our century, people like me will learn from the internet the weather in their street instead of getting up and check by themselves. But I have a pretty good reason to stay in bed so I don’t really care.”

“What good is all this technology if it doesn’t help keep you here in my arms, all warm in this little nest of blankets and pillows?” Steve tried to think of the last time he spent all day in bed. It must have been when he last had pneumonia and he didn’t even have the strength to sit up in bed without help. This was better; this was infinitely better.

She was genuinely surprised to feel so comfortable around him, even before her morning shower, in such an intimate situation. “They say the blizzard stopped but there’s still a lot of snow everywhere. Authorities are taking care of the roads. If you… if you wanna go back to your place, I’ll drive you, I don’t want you to feel bad. But, if you prefer to stay here then I’d be sure you’re safe, and I could get more cuddles,” she admitted, silently asking him to stay.

“Pippa,” his voice low but he matched her gaze with his eyes, “may I please stay? Either here in the bed, or in the kitchen, or watching a movie… just can I please be around you for as long as you can stand me?” Pippa couldn’t contain her happiness and she planted a loud smooch on Steve’s cheek as she pushed the sheets away.

“It’s you who will grow tired of me, you know? I promised you breakfast, so I’m gonna start now and perhaps it will be ready for noon. I might have some old sweatpants in the drawer over there but I think they’ll be too short for your legs though.”

She put on her fluffy pink slippers and a robe and before leaving for the kitchen, whispered to the door to avoid looking at him, “You can stay for as long as you want sweetheart, you’re the best person that ever ended up in my bed.” And she flew to the kitchen, cheeks burning with a delicious joy and embarrassment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> French toast, Humphrey Bogart and a certain blog...

Steve quickly jumped out of the bed to join her, but when he tried on the pair of sweats, they were too short in the legs and indecently tight across his crotch and ass. He was peeling them off while making his way over to his clothes from the previous day, worried she’d come back and see him like this. In his slightly panicked haste, he miss stepped and fell to the ground. 

Pippa had taken the milk and eggs out of the fridge, checked the recipe on her tablet just in case and placed a piece of butter in the pan but not heated it yet. She wanted to be slow but efficient, she wasn’t going to screw this one up! As she was about to break a second egg in a bowl, she heard the loud thump from her bedroom.

“I’M FINE! I’M OK! NO NEED TO CHECK IN ON ME. I’LL BE RIGHT OUT, OK?” he shouted to the other room, mortified. 

Startled, she crushed the egg between her fingers, and crumbles of shell fell into the mixture. She groaned and shook her head as she rinsed her hands and wondered for a while if she should go see him but he had said it wasn’t needed.

Now the sweats were very twisted around his ankles and he was having difficulty getting them off even sitting on the ground. She had said it was ok if he had ripped a shirt, but she didn’t say anything about the pants. He tried to silence the voice in his head teasing him that the Great Captain America had now literally fallen multiple times because of Pippa. 

Finally he got the small sweats off, refolded them, and put on his khakis. He bounded into the kitchen, smiling like he hadn’t just almost killed himself because of a pair of running pants.

“May I help with anything? I’d be happy to be your sous-chef this fine morning.” She was still fishing crumbles of eggshell in her bowl. She smiled and wiped her hands on a cloth.

“I would really like to do everything by myself, but I have no faith in my skills. So, if we want to eat something good this morning, I’m gonna have to ask for help,” she admitted. “How about I dip the toasts, you cook them, and I’ll add the fancy stuff afterwards?”

“That sounds good. Should I make us some coffee, too?” Steve moved over to the machine and opened the bag of grounds on the counter. He quickly set it, grateful that it was similar to the coffee maker he had at his apartment. 

“Uh, Pippa, I have something I want to tell you, since you’re my girl now, and I don’t want to keep secrets from you. And I think it’d be crummy if we started out on not the best foot. I mean, I don’t think it is a really big deal, but it could be a big deal, and with what you were saying earlier about Natasha and people at work, and I don’t want you to be upset, but you might be mad at me and…” Steve internally cringed at how bad he was at speaking when he was nervous. Pippa frowned and stopped mixing the milk and eggs in the bowl.

“What’s going on?” she said softly as she walked to him. She took his hands and looked in his eyes, a little insecure she had done or said something wrong. “It’s okay, you can tell me. I’m your…. I’m your girl, and I’m no expert but if I can talk to you about my silly problems then you can talk to me, Steve.”

“Ireadyourblogyouhave,” he blurted out and then rubbed at the back of his neck. Seeing her confused face, he said it again slower. “I have been reading your blog for awhile, and well, I was the guy who asked about if it was ok to date a coworker. And your encouragement is what helped me be brave enough to ask you, but I…” he couldn’t quite pin down why he was worried. It felt like not telling her would be a lie of omission.

“I don’t want you to think I did it to deceive you; I just wanted to do some recon to see if it was even a possibility that you would consider going on a date with me or if I…” His eyes went to the tile on the floor. “…would have to resign from S.H.I.E.L.D. first,” he barely whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night.”

“My… blog,” Pippa repeated, face turning white, then pink. “I, oh, okay.”

She turned around, trying to remember everything. What the sweet anon had said, what was published on here, did she talk about really intimate things? No, she always made sure not to cross the line since it was always possible for a coworker to find it.

“I didn’t expect that,” she blushed, looking at him as she straightened invisible folds on her robe. “I mean, this is silly the whole world can read it so I shouldn’t be surprised but I talked about so many personal things and--” Suddenly it hit her that Steve had indeed read her blog.

“So this is why you knew so many things about me yesterday!” she accused, pointing her finger to his chest. She wasn’t angry, just amused and a little embarrassed. “So you cheated at the game, that was unfair!” Steve bent his elbows to make his hands come up in surrender and put on a sweet innocent face.

“Me? Cheat? Never! I only said I hadn’t read your file, which I haven’t. You didn’t ask if I had been reading other things.” He smiled, lowered his arms and slipped them around her waist. “Besides, I told you lots of things no one else knows. So you aren’t mad at me for reading it? I’m going to stop, that’d be odd right? I don’t want you to feel like you have to censor yourself on your own blog.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You forgive me?”

“Sure, I do,” Pippa mumbled against his shoulder, unable to resist his tender embrace. She felt still embarrassed even if there was no viable reason. She stepped back and poked Steve’s nose. “So it was you, the ‘shy anon.’ I’m really disappointed I haven’t guessed, you distract me too much; you make me a bad investigator,” she accused as she placed the pan on the fire. 

“It’s okay you can read it, I don’t post anything too personal. But I must look terribly vain to you. All the pictures of guns and shoes and clothes…”

“Your blog doesn’t seem vain at all. I liked reading it. If we’re talking vain, you should see my blog.” Steve winced as he realized he gave away too much. 

“I didn’t know you were already so accustomed to the internet,” she explained as she placed raspberries and whipped cream on the plates. “So you’ve got a blog already? I must say you excited my curiosity but I won’t find it if you don’t want me to read it, I would understand.”

“I don’t know if it would be worth it to try to find, really. I mainly post sketches and drawings I do sometimes I’ll talk about a movie I’ve seen or some food I tried. It’s not interesting like yours. But if you would like to see some of my drawings, I’d send it to you.” 

“May I ask how you found my blog?”

“I wasn’t out to track you down or anything, I just saw a review you posted on a Beretta website, and you seemed so well spoken and level headed compared to what I normally find that I clicked back to your site, and then was pleasantly shocked that of all the people in the world, the poster was someone I actually had met.” 

Steve cocked his head, mimed adjusting an invisible Fedora, and then did his terrible Humphrey Bogart impression. “Out of all the gun forums in the world, you had to post in mine.” 

She giggled happily at first but Pippa’s shoulders slumped as she remembered that review. “Wow, I’ve never been the kind to believe in coincidences but this is definitely a good one! I, yeah, I like to read good and constructive reviews when I wanna buy something, so I try to write some myself for others. Seems like even my free time is filled with paperwork,” she confessed sheepishly.

She was really surprised by Steve’s revelation though and she started frying the toasts without even thinking about it. As she wasn’t worrying about the food, it was ready in no time, and perfectly cooked. He placed two cups of coffee and then the silver on the small table in the livingroom.

She planted a kiss on his cheek as she came back to the living room and suddenly realized, “Holy toast! I… I did it myself! I made the toast myself!”

“This looks so good, Sweetheart. I think you were exaggerating your difficulties in the kitchen just so you would seem less perfect, weren’t you?” with that he kissed her hand. 

His gesture made her blush and she rolled her eyes. “I swear I’m usually a complete disaster. You bring me good luck.” She sat next to him, her thigh touching his and took a long sip of coffee--black, no milk, no sugar, 100% S.H.I.E.L.D. style.

“But while we’re at it I would love to see your blog! To see your drawings, I mean, I… uh, oh sorry! This is like our first meeting all over again when I was really impressed with you that I was all stupid around you” she blurted, hiding her face in her cup. Even after a tender night together she couldn’t stop making a fool of herself. She picked a plate and started munching on her toast that was miraculously not too burnt, just a little ; she looked at her fluffy slippers, embarrassed by her own awkwardness.

His hunger from the past few days of eating much less than he was accustomed to was catching up with him. It was a struggle for him not to scarf down the stack of toast on his plate. Yet when Pippa started apologizing, he immediately put down his fork. 

“I didn’t think you were stupid. I didn’t react the best either. I was just confused about things and wait, you were ‘really impressed?’” Even with the years of living with the serum, Steve still thought of himself as he did when he was 20. 

Pippa looked at him with horrified eyes as if he had said some kind of blasphemy. “Excuse me? I’ve heard during my whole childhood that you were dead, then I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and after a few levels of clearance I was told you had just disappeared. And then they found you, I saw you sleeping but the… it all became real when you woke up. So it was a big deal, of course.”

She shifted on the couch, sipped her coffee as she kept eating and licking her fingers. “I’ve always admired Captain America, for as long as I remember. I guess that for me you were the proof you can become whatever you want if you work hard enough. You gave hope to a lot of kids, you know.” 

“Oh…” Steve ate more of the breakfast, wanting to buy more time to have a real answer. “I never really thought of it like that before. I am glad I could give you some kind of hope when you were younger.” He took a sip of his coffee and stared at the cup. He then shook his head slightly and smiled back at her. 

“It’s really ok about our first meeting. I think I would have done a million times worse if I had been meeting one of my childhood heroes.” He finished his food, and seeing her done as well, collected the plates. 

“And now, since I’m re-energized from a most excellent of breakfasts, being the admirable and valiant Captain America, I think I should tidy your kitchen from the mess I made of it last night.” He gestured melodramatically like he used to do in the USO shows. 

“I shall save you, Princess, from the evil villain ‘Dirty Dishes’ and his nefarious side kick ‘Splattered Bacon Grease’! Wish me luck!” He leaned in and kissed her quickly before heading to the kitchen. 

“But-but… but you don’t have to!” Pippa chirped as she followed him. “Oh, no you don’t have to, you’re my guest! There’s no reason, I can do it!” After three long minutes of pleading and ordering she understood he wouldn’t change his mind and had to step back as he attacked the enemy. 

“Okay,” she mumbled. “I’m gonna take a shower and get dressed then if you’re done before I am, which I don’t think is possible, just make yourself at home okay? I want you to be comfortable here.”


	13. Chapter 13

Steve made short work of the dishes and pans from their meals, and then set to wiping down the counters and sweeping. He dried and put away the dishes, the appliances, and everything else as he remembered their being from the night before.

Meanwhile, Pippa disappeared in the bathroom and stepped in the shower. As she washed, she kept thinking of how Steve had been important for her as a teen. She would daydream all the time that she met someone like Dr. Erskine, a nice scientist who would tell her they had made a miracle serum that could give her the body she wanted, in five minutes, no more. The scientist told her that it would hurt though, and she always replied that she would be brave, that if Captain America had done it, then she could too.

He heard the shower stop running and tried to work a little faster. He wanted it all to be finished by the time Pippa came back. But as he was cleaning the coffee maker, he fumbled the filter and the wet, still-warm grounds went cascading down his shirt, or rather, Pippa’s shirt she had lent him the night before. 

“Dammit, Rogers! Why are you all thumbs lately?” he admonished himself as he brushed what he could off of himself and then started sweeping the grounds that had made it to the counter and the floor. 

He stepped to Pippa’s room, but before entering called to her in a moderate tone. If she was still in the bathroom, he’d have a chance to change and rinse out the shirt before she got out. But he didn’t want to barge in on her. Hearing no reply, he cautiously stepped into the room and then took off the stained shirt. 

Lost in her thoughts she quickly dried herself, jumped in her confidence boosting underwear, corrected everything that needed to be with make-up, did her hair like she had another date today before she finally stepped in her room, wearing only a light robe over her lingerie to pick clothes.

He was halfway to the corner where his dress shirt from the day before was folded when he heard the door open. Pippa stepped into the room and he froze. 

“I’m so sorry… I…. um…” There was no explanation that cast him in a good light. Steve was sure that he looked like a jerk, standing in the middle of her bedroom only wearing the modern pants Clint insisted he buy that sat so low on his hips.

Pippa’s heart jumped in her chest as she saw Steve looking at her like a deer caught in headlights. With a small “Oh!” she instinctively held her robe tighter around herself and turned slightly. But she couldn’t help looking at him, short curious glances as he reached for his shirt; how was it even possible to be perfect as a Greek god and look so shy and awkward? His face was bright red and his chest so pale,.

“It’s, hum… sorry,” she apologized, looking at her feet. “I didn’t know you were here.” She hadn’t even noticed the stained t-shirt, mesmerized by the pale skin that looked softer than a peach.

His mind was going a million miles a minute, but his body felt like molasses. He needed to apologize. It was her room; he was the one trespassing; she shouldn’t be sorry for anything. He’s the ass here. He’s the one… the one that hadn’t left the room still. 

After a few long and unpleasant seconds, Pippa realized she was squeezing really hard the tails of her robe. She was ridiculous; she felt it; she knew it. The robe hid more than her nightgown anyway! She couldn’t hide for all her life, this isn’t how you keep a guy around, even when he’s a perfect gentleman. And she always claimed that she was confident, and at work she was. She knew she had no reason to hide like that, if there was only one person she shouldn’t fear, it was him. She thought about the challenge, hesitated like it was the decision of her life and finally walked to her closet. 

She had given him the soft sweet smile that shorted his brain when she had walked over to her closet. He was enchanted with how she smelled like soap and powder. Taking a deep breath, she let her robe slip to the ground, and put on the first dress she found in the wardrobe without thinking, hands shaking a little, heart pounding in her chest.

It seemed to happen so fast. When her robe fell, he started to move forward to catch it. It was a mistake it had slipped off. But when Pippa didn’t grab for it or show any signs that it wasn’t supposed to happen, he stopped. When she turned around after putting on her dress, he saw that she was surprised he was still there, her cheeks were red and she seemed breathless like she had just run a marathon. 

“I’m sorry, Pippa. I… “ I am a terrible cad who just stood here and watched you get dressed and you’re so beautiful and I’m not sorry I saw the small of your back or the softness of your hip because they are lovelier than any painting or sculpture I’ve ever seen. I am sorry I’m not sorry.   
“…I ruined your shirt. I’ll have to buy you a new one.”

“Oh… sweetie, it’s nothing,” Pippa smiled as she walked to him. She took him in her arms and squeezed him against her, not knowing precisely if she was comforting him or if he was comforting her. “Those are antics from a time I don’t really like to remember anyway. I’ve never had the guts to get rid of them. You can even use them as a rag, I really don’t mind.”

She brushed her nose tenderly on Steve’s cheek and looked up to him. “Stop worrying, it’s nothing really. Now how are we going to spend this day together, my man?”

Steve’s shoulders lowered a couple of inches at her reassurance; he hadn’t realized how tense he had been until she held him and it melted away. It would be ok if he wasn’t perfect for her, right? He still didn’t quite believe that, but didn’t want to dwell on if it wasn’t true. 

“Well, it’s still pretty early and I don’t know what it’s like out there.” He nodded towards the covered window. “I’m thinking we should stay in though.”

“I won’t force you to go out with this weather,” Pippa smiled as she brushed his cheek before she entwined their fingers. “What do you usually do on Sundays? I must say my week-ends are not very exciting…” She took his hands and pulled him behind to the living room. “I spend my time in front of TV, I buy clothes and shoes online, way too many shoes, I clean the apartment and tweet the uninteresting details of my life, or I fill paperwork while watching horror movies and eating popcorn.”

“Sounds similar to mine… watching documentaries or cooking shows, do some calisthenics, sketching. 

“Oh!” His face lit up. ”If you have a computer, I could show you my sketches I put on my blog.” He then immediately shrank back a bit. “I mean… they aren’t great or anything and if you don’t want to, that would be fine. I’m still rusty and better thought: let’s just watch a movie.” 

“Oh, no please! You’ve said too much and not nearly enough!” she pleaded as she saw him try to escape. “I would just love to see your sketches, show me!” She pulled on his wrist like a kid and escorted him to her desk where she sat next to him, head on his shoulder. 

“Did you learn to draw by yourself or did you take classes? Do you still do medical drawings? What are your favorite tools?” Pippa felt she was being nosy and too excited, but she liked to have him in her life for a while, she liked that he hadn’t tried to take advantage of the situation during the night then left in the morning. She liked him, alot.

Steve cracked his fingers and then quickly typed in the address. He felt a little silly when the images started resolving. 

“Well, I guess I taught myself. I was just always drawing when I was a kid. Started trying to make something that would make my Ma smile, and kept wanting to improve so I could make something good enough that she would.

“I took a few classes in high school and that certainly helped. I’ve always been good with spatial relations and an eye for detail, even before the serum.” The first page of images were finally ready. 

“Ok, so lately I’ve been walking around New York and drawing buildings.” He clicked on one he had done of Stark Tower. “I worked on this one for what felt like forever over at this cafe midtown.” Looking at the image, all he could see were the mistakes. The number of windows was wrong, the perspective was a bit wonky, he hated the shading. He clicked back and sighed.   
“I think I do better with drawing people than architecture, I was just trying to get better.”

“Oh wow! Did you really do this?” Pippa exclaimed a bit stupidly, impressed just like every non artist when they see some artwork they like. “This is amazing! I- you know, I can’t even draw a stick figure…”

She looked closer at the screen, still clinging to Steve’s arm. “All the details. Did you show it to Tony, he would be honored!” As Steve showed her a few other buildings, she couldn’t hide her naive enthusiasm. She was stunned by the lines, not shaky nor hesitant.

“The details, the shading, it’s so vivid! This one, you drew it at sunset, right? Oh, you could have definitely made a living out of it! I know I would definitely commission you.”

His cheeks reddened at her praise and he didn’t feel quite so ashamed of the little mistakes.   
“Thank you. Originally that was the plan, when I couldn’t do much of anything else, I was going to try to earn a wage with my drawings but then I was given something better to offer.”  
He clicked for the next image that had some sketches he had done up at work: Natasha dexterously rolling a quarter over her fingers, Clint napping, Stark texting, Dr. Banner looking very astute. 

Steve gave a little gasp when he realized the largest sketch on the page was a full body of Pippa standing by the coffee machine talking with Agent Hill. While Hill was no more than just a few strokes beyond a basic form, Steve had spent a lot of time adding in the details on Pippa. She was in profile, holding files in one hand and a mug in the other. He had seen her there so many times when he walked by the break area. But this time she had been smiling and laughed at something Hill had said, and he couldn’t help but try to capture it. 

Pippa was about to congratulate Steve once again, mesmerized by his talent when looking over how he had drawn their coworkers, but she recognized her profile and instinctively squeezed her boyfriend’s biceps in surprise.

“Oh… my… god.” She blushed and stared at the drawing for a while. She wasn’t that perfect, in real life, she wasn’t so pretty, she didn’t look both kind and powerful, so strong and feminine at the same time. She wasn’t like this, but if it was how Steve saw her then she could easily understand why he had fallen for her.

“I like the way you see me,” she confessed against his shoulder. “I’m flattered. I wish I could be so gorgeous and impressive. Thank you, you make me feel so good,” she added before planting a soft kiss on his cheekbone. The sketch was the best compliment she had ever been given.

“Sweetheart, that drawing doesn’t even do you half justice. See now that I’ve had a closer look I can see how you have a little curve here…” He softly traced his finger down to the tip of her nose. She felt fragile when he touched her like this, with delicate fingers as if he could hurt her. She kissed his thumb with a small smile.

“And your lips; I didn’t get them right. Yours are much better than what I drew. I think I could do better if--would you ever sit for me?”

“As long as you don’t draw me like one of your French girls,” she chuckled. Steve raised his eyebrow; the comment seemed off. Why would she think he had French girls? He decided it must be a reference to something and filed it away to look up later.

“I should be able to calm down for a while and sit for you. I’m not the patient kind though but for another of your delicious dinners I could make an effort.” 

“I’d cook you anything you’d want whenever you want even if you didn’t want to sit for me. You know, you wouldn’t have to just sit there; you could do paperwork, or watch TV, as long as you didn’t mind my staring at you and drawing.” 

“Always the gentleman, hm?” Pippa smiled as she raised an eyebrow and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You should simply stay here, be sweet, and hold me in your arms and I would find you the best of company.” 

“Oh, Pippa… like this?” he pulled her onto his lap like they had been the night before, hoping it was ok. He kissed her neck right below her ear and drew a little pleased meow from her on this spot she didn’t know to be so sensitive.

She realized she was looking at him like a silly teenage girl, as if he were still pinned to the walls of her old bedroom, except that what she felt for Steve was more than she had ever felt for Captain America. Now she wondered why she had lost so much time with worthless guys when such perfection existed.

She turned to the computer again, almost bouncing on her chair. “What else do you have? I love them, have you ever done self-portraits?”

“I guess on this the closest things I’d have would be these.” He clicked on some drawings of his shield from different angles and his Captain America uniform. He hadn’t realized that in all of those pictures, he never drew his face, just his torso and down. 

Back in his apartment he had a sketchbook filled with drawings he had done of himself but always with other people from memory- sitting with his mother, fighting alongside Bucky, drinking with Dr. Erskine, laughing with Howard, with the Howling Commandos, even one of him dancing with Peggy. He wasn’t sure if that was healthy or even right, so he didn’t scan those in to the computer, and he didn’t mention them to Pippa. 

“So what do you think of the uniform after using it for awhile?” she asked when she saw the sketches. “Don’t hesitate to tell us if you want changes, I wouldn’t be upset even though I helped with the new design. I want--we all want you to feel safe and comfortable on missions.”

“I like my uniform; it’s weird. It feels so safe even with the fabric being so much thinner and tighter than my old one. And I get why it looks that way, I mean, it’s so bright and eye catching— bad guys go for me, the shield, instead of whoever else I’m with, like a peacock. 

“What do you think of my uniform?” 

“I think you look stunning in it, as I told you the first time the old-fashioned might be reassuring for the people. And at the same time you’re modern, you represent the best of both worlds. And I know you can’t be severely hurt but I’m glad we worked on patches to protect all the parts that could be injured during fights, so if you like it it’s fine. But to me you would look heroic even in your training outfit anyway--.”

She stopped herself as her phone rang and reluctantly got off Steve to answer. If it was one of those zealous young agents who didn’t know how to write a report…

“Coulson here. Oh, yes, how are you doctor?… I’m more than fine don’t worry, odd to be hearing from you on a Sunday. … Ah, of course yes. Same here, I’d rather not get out today if I can help it… Hmhm… yes…?” Pippa’s face became livid and she had to step back to hold onto the couch. 

“What do you mean ‘it’s impossible?’ You… but it was already rescheduled… no, you don’t understand… you can’t do this to me, please! … Doctor, I don’t care about the risks!…”

Her hands were shaking and she felt for a while like she would faint. She didn’t hear herself say goodbye; her vision was blurred. She ended the call and her only reflex as she furiously threw the phone on the couch was to run to her bedroom so that Steve couldn’t see her burst into tears, desperate and angry against everything and everyone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's going on with Pippa? Revelations, problems and a confession... ~I know, I'm such a tease!~

When he heard her say “doctor,” he wanted to step out— give her privacy, but there was nowhere he could really go so instead he tried hard to not really hear what she was saying. But while not trying to hear the words, he felt her tone cut through and his stomach knotted. 

He looked over to see Pippa slightly swaying, but before he could get to her, she had left the room in a blur and shut the door to her bedroom. He didn’t hesitate for one second to follow down the hallway, but when he heard a sob, he paused before knocking softly. 

“Pippa? Sweetheart, do you need to be alone or may I please come in?” he asked at the solid wood in front of him. 

She fell on her bed, buried her face in the pillow to muffle her uncontrollable wails and sobs. She felt like she was fourteen again and her dream life escaped from her, all the insecurities, the fear of never being the one she wanted to be crushing her chest.

“Go away!” she protested, crying harder. Go away, leave me alone, you don’t deserve such a mess. And here she was, unable to be Steve’s girlfriend for two days without messing it up. Perhaps that was it after all, perhaps they were all right, if she had to try so hard perhaps she wasn’t meant to be a girl, she was just fooling herself.

In a softer voice she whimpered, “You shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.” 

Steve flexed his fingers over the door handle; he was so unsure what he was to do, if she had meant for him to hear that last part or if she had just forgotten about his super-hearing. After a few moments, he took deep breath, straightened his back, and opened the door. 

When he saw her crying on the bed, his heart ached, but he kept his shoulders back and walked next to the bed. He sat down and softly placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m not going to go away until I know you’re alright. I couldn’t leave you like this. What happened?” Instinctively Pippa curled up against Steve’s chest, she hid her face against the fabric of his shirt and clung to him like a baby animal. His presence was comforting despite all the shame and sadness in her heart. As he brushed her hair gently, she let the tears roll for several long minutes until she could breathe again, until the sobs calmed down and her shoulders slumped, comforted by the soothing hands on her back.

“I’m so sorry I’m such a mess,” she eventually apologized without looking at him. “I… I was so pissed.” She slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around her folded legs, lost in her thoughts. When she looked up to him though, she saw he was worried and realized the show she was giving. Hearing her talk to her doctor and break down like this, he probably imagined the worst.

“Sorry, it’s a bit hard to talk about it,” she mumbled, blushing. “But it’s nothing too important. I’m not directly in danger, I’m not gonna die or anything. I’m just not healthy enough to get a top surgery yet.”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and took out his handkerchief, gently dabbing at her cheeks. His brows knitted in confusion a bit as he was trying to piece what she said together. 

“It’s ok to be angry; it doesn’t make sense. Why would you have to be a certain level of healthy in order to get the best surgery? Wouldn’t everybody deserve to get the top treatment?” Steve stopped talking for a moment and then took her hand, stroking the spot between her thumb and her finger. “What kind of surgery do you need?” he asked in a low soft voice. 

Pippa’s eyebrows shot up at his question and she had to try hard not to give him a touched but condescending smile, forgetting for a second about her troubles. His innocence was refreshing. 

“Where should I start?” she mused softly as Steve kept caressing her hand. “For girls like me, the process is long to become who we really are. First we see therapists who judge our mental health and give us authorization, or not, to start a transition to get a body that suits our minds.” Pippa shivered at the memories, how humiliating it had felt to have to ask for someone else’s permission to be herself.

“Then we take oestrogens, female hormones, so that our bodies become a bit more feminine. And it works, of course, I saw the changes but it’s not perfect and the last-- last things that can be fixed must be through surgery. Just before I met you, I had scheduled an operation, we were supposed to do it a few weeks later. What we call ‘top’ surgery it’s just, for women like me, the surgery of the ‘top’ of the body…” She waved her hands in front of her chest.

“But that was before Loki. The surgeon was calling to tell me he wouldn’t perform the operation now; he doesn’t want to risk a full anaesthetic yet, he’s afraid my heart is still too weak after being stabbed. Plus, the scar is still too fresh and he doesn’t want to weaken my skin again.”

“Oh, that--” Steve’s face turned beet red as he realized what a personal question he had asked, and he internally chided himself for being so rude. His embarrassment increased when he realized he had just been staring at Pippa’s chest ever since she had directed his attention to that area. His mind had mused on how much he liked her breast just as they were, but he felt that it wouldn’t be right to say that, not now. She obviously wasn’t happy with it, and that is what was important. 

“--that’s terrible. I’m so sorry; it still doesn’t seem right to me. I saw you run an eight minute mile, in heels no-less, just earlier this week during the attack. You’re fit as a fiddle. Did he say when he thought you’d be able to reschedule the surgery for?” 

“He said that he’d like to wait at least for a year and see if I can get even better and avoid risks at all, and he’s not even sure it would be safe later.” Pippa took a deep breath to avoid bursting into tears again, her little hand clenched around Steve’s. 

“And I know there are more important things, I know I should be grateful to be alive, and relatively healthy, and… and with such a perfect boyfriend but I had been expecting it for so long! I had waited for it… and…”

She placed the back of her hand on her lips with a soft broken sob. “Truth is I don’t know what to do. Wh-when someone doesn’t cooperate I always find a way but here? I don’t know if I want to pick another surgeon, this one is great, he’s been working with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents for years. I don’t want to chose a cheap doctor who does what you want but ignores the risks, I,” she paused and took a deep breath, “just don’t know. I’m not used to not knowing.”

She slowly blinked, looked up at Steve and noticed his red face, suddenly feeling sorry for him. Poor thing, a few days ago he had never had a romantic talk with a woman and now she was imposing her intimate problems on him. “Sorry sweetheart, I shouldn’t have ; we don’t have to talk about that.” 

“No, no. This is important. I don’t believe in lost causes; anything’s possible. I’ve seen that again and again. We just need a plan to get you healthy enough to satisfy the doctor and make sure the surgery is safe. I don’t want you to do anything unnecessarily risky.” Steve pulled her in closer and kissed at the few tears that escaped from her eyes. He started talking quickly but firm. 

“I’ll cook every meal for you—lots of vegetables and lean proteins; we’ll go running or train together. If this surgery is what my girl wants, then that is what my girl’s gonna get. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

He knew that in reality he was really helpless here; he could do everything right and it still not work out. But he wanted so much to make her feel better, he would do anything as long as she was safe. 

Pippa looked up as he kissed her softly. He was like one of these vintage posters come true, kind, generous and motivating. The same old message, don’t stop trying, don’t lose hope. She blinked and looked away. If she had felt so good since the beginning of her transition it was mostly because she had felt hopeful and happy to work on her goals, to pamper herself, take care of her body and become precisely the one she wanted. She didn’t know, she was almost sure it wouldn’t be enough but she remembered that the trip was almost as pleasant as the destination, even if such delays were disappointing.

“It’s so sweet of you to remind me of what I forgot. Never stop fighting, huh? Sorry I lost your message Captain. This is what you told me during all my childhood, I shouldn’t have forgotten it. Thank you.”

She pushed back a strand of hair behind her ear and sniffed. “Of course I gotta go on. I was just disappointed. I feel like it’s not fair for me, even less for you. It kills me to think that I can’t be the confident woman I would like to be for you, and to know that my Stevie’s first time won’t even be with a real girl--” Pippa bit her lower lip, sorry for what had just escaped her and how pretentious it sounded. Steve held her face firmly in his hands, tilting her head until they were eye to eye. She looked so fragile and scared. 

“Sweetheart, I have no qualms about being with you, just as you are now. So you can’t feel like it’s not fair on my account. You are beautiful and clever and in the short time I’ve known you I feel so closer to you than anyone else I’ve ever met.” She tried to move her head away to look away, but he didn’t loosen his hold and instead moved his face closer to hers.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am that I found you. That the series of events of my life has lead me to this moment where I am here with you, that I get to work with you, that you let me hold you, and that you would share your struggles with me. I want to be there for you in whatever way I can help.” He felt his body start to slightly shake as the energy of keeping all of his feelings inside was taxing him more than any battle ever had. 

“Please, can you not tell the team about it? That you saw me cry… I don’t want them to think their handler can freak out for nothing, they need to trust me.” He could tell the request was couched in the fear he was all too familiar with himself. 

“The details of what happens between us is intimate to me. I’m not going to be sharing it with anyone— not Fury, not the team, not my therapist. They’ll know we’re together, but they won’t know things like this; not from me.” He took a breath, moved in closer, hovering just above her lips, and then spoke in a soft whisper.

“And just so you know, the only concern I’ve ever had about my first time was that it was with a person I loved dearly.” He then closed the small amount of space between them that remained, their kiss electrifying as he moved his hands down to her neck and the small of her back. 

His words were like sugar, sweet, addictive and giving her a rush that she had rarely felt before. He was everything she had always dreamed of, everything she had missed in her previous partners. She felt like Goldilocks, this one was not too wild, not too nice, not too rebellious, not too jealous, just perfect. And as she listened to him, embarrassed to have to look at him so intensely, she struggled not to blush too much, not to let out tears of happiness.

Pippa melted as he kissed her, strong and yet not commanding, just supportive enough to make her understand she’d never be alone again. She closed her small fists on his shirt and was putty in his hands, she enjoyed every second of it. When she was against him she felt like her mouth was just made for his, her nose short enough to adjust to his cheek. She was in her place.

“All this time I’ve watched you,” she murmured when the feverish kiss ended. “And thought that the girl who would date you would be such a lucky bitch. And now... I still think so, to be honest.” She rubbed her bright red cheek on his shoulder, heart pounding in her chest as she clung to him. “I like you very much, Steve… I-I really like you a lot. I just don’t have the guts to say more yet, but you know what I mean.”

“What are you afraid of?” Steve asked. In the few months he had watched her at S.H.I.E.L.D., she had been unflappable even in the face of unbelievable danger. He knew that there were plenty of reasons, good reasons, why someone wouldn’t want to say that she loves him, but his mind wanted it to be something he could work on, something he could fix about himself. “What should I do different?”

“Do different? Oh, no, no Sweetie!” Pippa said, shaking her head. “No, it’s not…” She almost said ‘it wasn’t him, it was her’ but she managed to stop before the bad cliche escaped her lips. “I’m so sorry Steve, you don’t have to pay for years of misplaced trust. As you can guess if I’m still single today it’s because every relation I’ve had didn’t end well. It’s not your fault, God you couldn’t even be more perfect if you tried!”

She got up, nervously wiping her palms on her dress and announced she was going to get them a cool drink, they both needed it. But as she walked to the door, running away from the obstacle as always, she thought about the man she had. Steve Rogers. Peggy Carter had had him once too and she had lost him in a minute because this was who he was, a hero, ready to give his life for others. He would do it again if he needed to. He could disappear, and at this point would she live a full life of regrets? Or die during a mission without telling him how she felt simply because she didn’t dare to open her big mouth? As she reached the door, she turned around and waved her hands in an exasperated gesture. 

“Oh, screw it!” She trotted back to the bed, took Steve’s face in her hands and sighed before kissing him: “I love you Steve Rogers, and I don’t care if it’s too soon to say it.”

“I love you, too, Pippa,” He held her as tightly as he thought he could without hurting her, pulling her closer to him. “and I don’t think it’s ever too soon if you mean it.”

He felt so lucky to have her, that she would trust him. While he was nervous to venture into something completely new to him, he imagined it would be more difficult with a past filled with disappointments. He kissed her again, trying to stay focused in the moment, trying to stay the confident hero Pippa wanted, the man she deserved. She seemed calmer now, and he couldn’t help but smile.


	15. Chapter 15

“Do you still need that drink?”

“No,” Pippa grinned with a happy sigh. “I feel so much lighter now!” It wasn’t so hard after all, she had to let go of seduction games, it wasn’t politics. She could be sincere, be completely herself and even if she wasn’t perfect, Steve wouldn’t love her less, right? Perhaps was he even happy to feel loved?

Pippa made a little ball with her hands as she explained. “I mean it, really. At first it was like a little crush, I felt a bit excited when I saw you, I had butterflies in my stomach but I tried to keep a low profile not to embarrass you.” She extended her hands to form a sphere the size of a small volley ball. “Now it’s a young love, everything is new and exciting, it makes us feel like teens again.” 

Then she raised her arms to draw a giant bubble around them in a childish gesture. “And when we’ll know each other completely, when we’ll be so close we won’t be embarrassed of anything, you’ll cook my favorite breakfast and I’ll wash your briefs, then it won't’ be as exciting but will be a solid intimate love that nothing can break. Right?”

“Sounds about right to me,” he chuckled. His heart was beating so fast in his chest. He wanted it to be that way so much, to get to a place where she would still love him or even like him even after realizing he wasn’t as great as all the comics and propaganda made him out to be. Steve realized he wasn’t breathing and took a few deep breaths.

“But I have my doubts that anything would ever not be exciting with you, even when our love is no longer new.” He cringed at his own cheesiness. Perhaps he really was acting like a teenager, and he needed to stop blurting out his feelings without thinking. “So, what is your favorite breakfast? I’ll need to start perfecting a recipe.”

“Any breakfast I don’t have to cook is my favorite kind,” Pippa smiled as she got up, progressively recovering her confidence in his presence. “But I must confess Sunday brunches at Jack’s with a good newspaper are my weakness. Their mini salmon bagels, hmm!” She knelt behind Steve and wrapped her arms around his large shoulders before planting a tender kiss in his neck.

“You’re already so good to me, don’t worry you don’t need to do more. Now on the other hand what could I do for my man to feel good?” Without waiting for an answer, she ran her fingers on his shoulders and started massaging his neck gently, trying to find possible tense spots.

“This is… nice.” Steve closed his eyes as she touched him. Her fingers were warm, and he felt he was melting like butter under her hands as they traveled down his back. “This is very nice. Where did you learn how to—” Steve slightly jerked and started giggling when she grazed over his side ribs. 

A faint pride filled Pippa’s heart when she saw Steve’s reaction ; he was always so serious and square, she loved to know she could break his facade sometimes. When he almost jumped, she bit her lower lip with a happy grin.

“No way! My Steve can take all the pain in the world but he can’t resist tickles?” she chuckled. She pressed her finger on his ribs. “Are you ticklish here? And here? What about here?” she teased, carressing and poking several places, always careful not to push too hard in case it would really bother him.

“I… am… not ticklish” he was squirming and biting at his lower lip to keep from laughing. “I was just thinking of a joke Thor told me,” he lied, a faint nasal chuckle breaking through. She seemed to see right through that as she found a spot even more sensitive and started torturing him. Steve couldn’t hold back any longer and was laughing maniacally.

“P-P-Please, Pippa,” he gasped after what felt like an eternity, trying to get some air. “Mercy!” Steve made an attempt to grab and still her hands, but she was quite skilled at evading him. “I’ll give you anything you want!” he joked. Although his eyes were starting to water, he felt so happy and silly.

“Alas, I already have everything I want!” Pippa sighed dramatically, pushing him against the mattress in a theatrical gesture. She loved not having to contain her energy with him, civilians were always a little too fragile for her trained agent’s strength. Forgetting about everything she straddled his hips with a predatory grin.

“But, we can discuss the terms of your surrender. What could I ask of you? I mean, a healthy lunch is already granted, right? A kiss, I can get those whenever I want. There’s nothing to ask for!” she smiled playfully, a hand in her hair. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she finally smirked. “I know! Since you seem to like thes kind of games, and I got out of my comfort zone in front of you, will you tell me something very personal about you? Something you would only tell your girl?”

Steve bit at his bottom lip while he rested his hands on her waist. He had mostly regained his composure and breathing from her attack. He swallowed and looked up to her. 

“Did you have something in particular you wanted to know or is it dealer’s choice?”

“Oh, no. I have no idea of what kind of secrets a guy like you could have,” she smiled, loving how his broad hands fit on her hips. She pushed her hair over her shoulder and looked at him lovingly. His face always looked like righteousness and honesty, even in the most intimate moments.  
“You pick. Only if it doesn’t make you too uncomfortable of course. I don’t want to force you to do anything.” she added to make sure she wasn’t pushing him too much.

He gave another small laugh; she clearly had no idea how he would follow any order she gave. The way she moved, her voice, her personality, her eyes- she could tell him to go back to the Arctic and he would start packing a bag. She couldn’t force him to do anything because he simply did not want to resist. 

“Something for only my girl, Pippa.” After a pause, he looked at his hands, unable to look her in the face. “I haven’t told anyone this, but I’ve had lots of dreams about you. That is, I have a dream with you in it at least once a night. Spending this time with you, this date, has surpassed the good dreams by miles.”

“Dreams… of me?” she blushed despite herself. “I… wow, what kind of dreams?” She leaned in until she could kiss the tip of his nose and placed her forearms on his chest. “I have dreamed of you a few times but it was usually bad: missions gone wrong, lots of adrenaline. Every time you appear in my dreams, one of us has to save the other.” She rolled her eyes and added: “Who said workaholic?”

“I have dreams kind of like that, too… sometimes.” He didn’t want to admit how often he dreamed of disappointing her, of failing her. “But I also have dreams that are less…” He licked at his lips again, trying not to think too much about how comforting having her weight on him felt. “… less work-focused.”

“I hope you don’t dream of me as a polite ladylike princess because you sure must be disappointed when you wake up,” Pippa joked to hide her delicious embarrassment. Strangely, she didn’t dream that much of Steve Rogers, only Captain America on missions. “If I can be an alternative to nightmares, then you have permission to dream about me as much as you want,” she added more seriously, hoping she wasn’t overstepping. He had to cover his face with his arm for a moment as he heard her grant permission to keep having dreams about being with her.

“You really don’t mind? I’ve always felt so guilty afterwards… not that I do anything disrespectful, hell-- we are usually just married so—” He felt her shift on him, and he moved his arm from his burning face. Pippa had to narrow her eyes to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. The sudden red shade of his cheeks and forehead were more revealing than any kind of word he could have said.

“Married?” she smiled softly, sitting back on her heels, still on top of him. “Aren’t you lovely?” She hadn’t dreamed of any prince charming for a long time, too many disappointments had toughened her heart but in moment like these she remembered how young he really was. She wondered if it was useful to remind him she couldn’t get married as a woman yet, that it would take time for her real identity to be legal, that she would never be able to give him children. But it was too soon, she had had enough emotions for the day, unpleasant talks could be done later.  
“And is it good to be married to me? Do you dream of our wedding night?” she teased just for the pleasure to see him blush again.

Steve bit his lip hard, shut his eyes tight, and then started nodding his head.   
“Yes-- yes. I do think about it—” He scratched at the spot between his eyebrows. “D-d-dream about it, and it is good to be married to you until…” He looked at her for a second but couldn’t keep the eye contact. “Until I mess up, say something stupid or weird like, ‘I’ve had dreams of being married to you,’ while on our first date. I mean, that’s weird, right? People don’t talk like that anymore.” He looked back at her, a smile starting to develop on his face. “I’m sorry I’m so weird, Pippa because when I think about it, it is very good to be married to you.” 

“Darling,” Pippa sighed as she brushed her fingers on the smooth skin of his jaw. “You fight supernatural villains who want to use an alien cube to destroy the world, you crash then wake up in a world where everybody’s in a deeper relationship with their electronic devices than their neighbors, you stop an alien army then date a girl who was declared a boy at birth. I like you because you are weird.”

She took his hands, entwined their fingers with a gentle smile to reassure him. “You can dream of marrying me, I’m your girl Steve. Just remember that people get married when love has grown and that I’m a stubborn little brat who’s afraid of commitment. But I’m sure being your wife would be a blessing.” He brought her hands to his mouth and kissed the back of each. 

“Well, Sweetheart, it seems you have given me my marching orders: grow our love and prove to you that you’re braver than you think you are.” He thought for a moment that this could possibly be the most difficult thing he ever attempted, but he never wanted anything more in his life. If he found a way to get into the army after multiple rejections, found a way to survive Red Skull and Hydra and the Chitari, found a way to not have completely lost his mind after being temporally displaced, he was going to find a way to prove to Pippa that he would love her and be by her side as long as he lived. 

“So, have you accepted my surrender? I’ve shared a most intimate secret but remained pinned by your will. Would you ask more of me?” He looked up at her through his long lashes.

“I accept. You shall not be tickled again,” Pippa admitted with a wink, “for the time being.” She got off the bed and tugged at his hands to invite him up. “Come here, let’s see what I have in store for lunch. Maybe we can make something out of my fridge’s vestiges.” Once Steve was up she wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head against his chest as they walked.

“Thank you for being here. For staying with me and giving me hope. If I had been alone today, I would have been a mess. I wouldn’t have found a distraction, probably have cried all day. ‘Sgood not to be alone, darling.” He couldn’t help but to place his arm around her shoulders; squeezing her toned upper arm. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I’m glad I could be here to be with you, to help you. Thank you for letting me stay, letting me in.” Once they were back in the kitchen, Pippa pulled away from him to look in her refrigerator, and he tried not to look too intensely at the way she bent to search the crisper drawers.   
“Do… um…” he cleared his throat. “Do you have anything for us to make some soup or maybe a chili?” He turned to open the cabinets where he thought he had seen some canned things last night.


	16. Chapter 16

Pippa smiled to herself. After living as a bachelorette for so many years, she would have a hard time fully letting him in her life, she knew it. But he was worth it. She took tomatoes in the fridge and replied in a muffled voice: “Sure, look everywhere I have nothing to hide!” More importantly she had no idea of what went into a chili. She placed the tomatoes on the table.

“Rule number one of my kitchen: I always have tomatoes at home because they can be eaten without preparation,” she announced proudly. “Now, here I have many cans, some of them I probably forgot about and here are my spice.” She took a small box of paprika that had never been opened. “Nothing too expired I hope.”

He looked through her motley assortment of food trying to figure out if they could pull something together that would be healthy like he had promised her. With all the efficiency of the military man he was and the speed of the superhero he was, he lined up the cans of white beans, green chilies, and tomatoes on the counter. He found an onion and wilted celery in the refrigerator and some slightly freezer burned ground meat in the freezer. 

“All of this should work just fine for a chili. Would you start opening the cans? I’ll cut tomato slices for us to snack on while the chili cooks… oh! we could also make some biscuits, I think I saw a box in the back there.” Steve picked up a handful of spice jars to put near the pot on the stove. Pippa was struck with his efficiency as he prepared the kitchen.

“Sir, yes, sir!” she nodded when he gave his instructions, before starting to open the cans as he wanted. Pippa quickly looked outside, tucking her head between the curtains to check the situation. The streets were better, but there were heaps of melting dirty snow on the sides, nothing as terrible as the night before. But as she turned back to ask Steve if she could open the curtains, he spoke first. 

“How spicy can you handle?” he asked while quickly chopping the vegetables and then putting them in the warming stock pot. 

“I’ve learned to handle spices, you have to when you travel to Egypt, Thailand, India or Jamaica on a regular basis! Don’t worry.” Since she had a few spare seconds she checked her emails on her phone, cleaning the counter with her free hand. “Tell me, do you think I can open the curtains yet or do you prefer to wait? We don’t have to if you don’t feel ready.” 

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you would like, Sweetheart.” Steve smiled wide but turned and tried to keep his back to the window in the kitchen. In his mind he was thinking of all of the calming tricks his therapist had shown him. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her again. So he quickly changed the subject. “I’ve always wanted to got to Egypt, what was it like?” 

“Oh, things are always more exciting with S.H.I.E.L.D. you know…” Pippa opened the curtains, blinking at the bright sun peaking through the clouds. She wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination that Steve’s muscles tensed, so she simply rubbed a soothing hand on his back as he kept preparing vegetables, never breaking contact with him.

“They have mad scientists too, except that when they start playing tricks with mummies, it quickly becomes creepy!” she joked to distract him. “Although I must admit I’m glad I wasn’t out as a woman when I went there, it would have been more difficult.”

“I guess Egypt isn’t really like how I picture it in my head— explorers and treasure hunters…” he did a quick glance at the window but didn’t really focus on the scene beyond the pane. “…sand dunes and hot winds. 

“When I was younger, I loved Egypt stories. They were finding so many things, discovering tombs and artifacts nearly every week. I saw this great movie once: this mummy is brought back to life and all he wants is to be with the princess he loved.” Steve threw all the ingredients into the pot and started to stir, intensely staring at the pot. “You caught the guy, right? The man scientist?”

“Of course we did, I must say his plan was evil, but once again we beat the bad guys and ended the day around a table and a lovely meal with a lot of harissa,” she joked. She looked at Steve’s expert moves as he cooked, tried to remember everything but there was always a point where she lost track of the different steps. 

She fed him tomato slices as she talked to keep him entertained as he opened the box of biscuit mix. He quickly had made the batter mixed and put them in the oven to bake. Soon the kitchen was filled with the delicious smell of bread and spices. It was a nice change from the usual burnt smell she would produce.

“Steve,” she said softly after a while. “You’ll tell me if you feel uncomfortable, okay? If I listened to myself, I would just keep you here in my apartment and pamper you so you don’t have to deal with it again but…” Steve stopped stirring the bubbling chili and put the spoon down. 

“Pippa, I’m… “ He didn’t understand the way she was looking at him, and he noticed his breath getting shorter. “I’m very comfortable, but have I stayed too long? Would you like me to leave?”

“Leave? Oh, no, Steve!” Pippa corrected in a hurry and took his hands. “Listen, you have to know that… life is complicated and perhaps we won’t stay together forever, perhaps you’ll want another kind of life one day or… we never know, things happen. But no matter how things turn out for us you’ll always be welcome in my place. You can stay for as long as you want, you’ll always be my guest. I mean it.” Her long eyelashes fluttered involuntarily and she raised herself on her toes to kiss him tenderly, to prove him how she meant it, how she wanted him to feel good and safe with her.

He held her close to him as they tenderly kissed, and he felt himself calm back down, his anxiety attack retreating back away from the surface. Still holding her, he pulled his head back, confused. “What did you mean I’ll want another kind of life one day?”

She looked away and turned to face the stove, stirring the pot that didn’t need it at all. “You are young,” she said, trying not to sound too condescending. “You have your whole life ahead of you and well, I don’t. Maybe one day you’ll need something else, something I can’t give you. Like--like a baby.” She shrugged slightly. “It’s normal, and I really won’t blame you when it happens.”

“When it happens? We’ve been together for less than 24 hours and you already are planning for us not being together?” He moved behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder. He spoke low, barely above a whisper. 

“I’m not wanting a baby from anyone. I gave up my right to be a father in 1943. No one, not even Dr. Erskine could know what affects the serum would have on the second generation. I couldn’t risk ruining a child’s life like that, or worse passing on the conditions I had growing up.” He slid one arm around her waist and the other paralleled her outreached arm. He wrapped his hand around hers, both of them now stirring.

“And I’m not that young you know. I’ve survived through the Great Depression, a world war, the frozen Arctic, and a full scale alien invasion. If there is something Pippa Coulson can’t give me, then I don’t think it is something I really need.” He kissed her right behind her ear; a spot that was quickly becoming his favorite place. Pippa tilted her head to rest against his chest, cradled by his strong arms, she patiently followed his lead. She couldn’t picture a lifetime with him, so young, so strong and perfect. 

“Sorry, I tend to forget everything you’ve been through, you have a point,” she admitted, kissing his cheek. “I want it to work, I’ll do what I can. I just don’t want you to feel trapped in a relationship with an old lady--”

“Where’s this ‘old lady’ you talk of? My girl is so much younger than I am; they’ll say I’m robbing the cradle.” She smiled and tasted the preparation with an almost erotic satisfied purr and brought the spoon to Steve’s lips. “What do we add, Chef?”

He tasted the offering and then slightly shook his head for side to side. “Nothing needs to be added. Everything’s perfect. I think the biscuits are ready now, too.” Steve kissed her cheek again and moved to get take out the pan from the oven. 

Following him, she placed the pot on a table mat and shook her head. She knew she had to treat him like any other guy, he probably wanted to feel average, normal but he was a living paradox and sometimes she didn’t know how to handle him. Young and so old, capable of killing and yet so innocent. 

It’s only when they had started eating that she noticed how he had made sure to sit with his back to the window. She didn’t say a word but hoped that the next morning things would be better outside or it would be difficult to take him to work. 

“Yet another perfect meal from my man and his lovely but quite useless assistant,” she smiled, pouring some juice in two glasses. 

“You were very helpful!” he protested at her self-deprecating compliment. “At the very least you kept me company while I chopped, and helped with the cans. It’s weird for me— cooking and eating alone.” Steve smiled and took a bite of the cheddar biscuit. 

He suddenly stopped mid-chew, wiped at his lips, and leaned back in his chair. He was struck at how the light from the window made the highlights in her hair shine and her eyes looked brighter. He was trying to memorize exactly how she looked so he could recreate it later. 

Pippa brought her napkin to her mouth and nervously wiped her lips as he stared at her, wondering if she had said something wrong or if she had tomato stains everywhere. Behind the napkin she also licked her teeth just to be sure but soon he stopped and her heart started beating at a normal pace again.

He realized he was staring and being rude so he shifted his gaze down to his meal. “So, what would you like to do for our next date?”

“Our next date, I like the sound of that,” she teased with a grin. “I don’t know there are so many things we could do have you been to Central Park since you woke up? It must have changed a lot. We could also go to Coney Island if you like amusement parks, some of their rides are great. Or we can find a museum if you prefer, the MOMA is quite an experience if you want to catch up all the art movements from last century.”

His face lit up at the mention of the museum. “I’ve tried to go to the MOMA a few times, but I seem to only attempt on Tuesdays when they are closed.” He felt so good when she touched him, like he had been missing her his whole life. She was his girl, and he thought himself lucky that someone like her - smart, strong, and beautiful- liked someone like him. “And I still owe you a nice meal out.” He beamed at her. 

She took his hand over the table and wrapped her fingers around his. “Or wan can just drink iced tea at home and talk about anything, every moment with you is heaven, darling. You don’t owe me anything, you’ve already spoiled me!” she assured, waving her hand at him. “We’ll schedule this for, well the next time we can have a day off together, with S.H.I.E.L.D. you never know.”

Once the bowls empty, Pippa got up to bring them back to the sink before Steve could try to clean up again. She took the fruit basket and almost picked a banana before quickly moving her hand away to take a peach instead, her cheeks turning pink. No, she couldn’t handle such innuendos yet. “Can I get you something?” she smiled to hide her embarrassing thoughts.

“I could be tempted by an apple,” he then stiffened at blasphemous phrasing. “Or… um, anything you have really.” 

“Apple it is.” She smiled, handing him the fruit. He turned and saw she was flushed. 

“Are you ok, Sweetheart? Is it too warm in here in the kitchen or was the chili too spicy?” Unsure if it their fingers touching or his remark, but she felt her blush grew more intense. 

“You know you make the ladies blush,” Pippa said with a wink. She bit in the peach and wiped the juice from her chin before unceremoniously licking her fingers clean.

“Me?” he put on his most innocent face, a slight mischievous smile threatening to break through.  
“That doesn’t sound like me at all; you must have me confused with someone else.” He reached down and softly swiped the drop of peach juice she missed. “Stark, or Clint, or maybe Director Fury.” He then sucked the droplet from his thumb, never breaking eye contact with her. It was the most flirty thing he had ever done in his life. “Good peach?” he asked and then bit into his apple. 

She really thought at first that he was once again innocent and unaware of his own sex-appeal but the angle of his eyebrows and the deliberate immobility of his long lashes were enough proof he knew what he was doing. Pippa spoke before she thought, and damn what a bad idea to talk about work now, she had promised herself she would compartmentalize and separate their relationship from their ranks, and never remind him that she was her handler. 

“You’d better stop being so attractive, soldier,” she snapped, an eyebrow raised before adding with a discreet smirk: “Or you’re gonna be in trouble.” And she took another bite to immediately hide her regrets for being so direct. He couldn’t help his smile at her, but then tried to look contrite, playing along.

“But I’m only this way with you, Ms. Coulson. Reason stands that if I’m not so attractive around you, you wouldn’t like me, and then I’ll really be in trouble.” He then lowered his eyes to the apple in his hand, trying not to match her blush. Pippa had to shut her eyes and bite her lower lip to contain her pleased mew. 

“You’re really trying to make me swoon, right? And the rumors said you didn’t know how to talk to girls.” She quickly finished her dessert and cleaned her fingers with attention to gain time. 

“It’s become easier to talk to you. I don’t know how to talk to girls, but you’re different, Pippa; you’re my girl.” She then remembered that the boy who didn’t talk to girls was different, before the serum.

“No, but seriously,” she added, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “You don’t have to be attractive for me. You naturally are, I mean it. I just want you to know that every time I tell you you’re handsome, and-- and beautiful, yes I appreciate you now, but I would have loved you before, even without the serum. I wouldn’t have thought less of you, okay?”

He wanted to argue, to tell her that she wouldn’t have looked at him twice, that someone as strong as she was would never had thought someone as weak as he was attractive, that she would have thought less of him because everyone thought less of him before the serum, even Peggy and Bucky. But when he saw how earnest she looked, his protest was lost before he could voice it.

Maybe she really means it.

He leaned in to kiss her cheek and then guided her back to the living room. “You wanna watch a movie or something?” She sat back against the arm of the couch, resting her legs on his lap before she turned on the television.

“We can see what’s up on Netflix, perhaps a classic you haven’t seen yet?” She swiftly checked the recently posted videos and let out a bored sigh at the latest “Cougar Town” episode. “Have you heard about this trend of cougar women? I really don’t understand it, they take such pride in dating much younger men. It seems so shallow and…” The realization hit and her voice faded slowly. “I mean… oh nevermind, it seems I’m not exactly in a position to lecture.”

“Why do you say that?” Steve raised a confused eyebrow, trying to imagine the hybrid. “Are these cougar women mutants like Xavier’s people, or from a different planet?” He started absent-mindedly gently squeezing her calves in a haphazard rhythm. He always needed to do something with his hands when he felt out of it. Pippa couldn’t hide a soft touched chuckle at his innocent deduction.

“No, it’s... I guess back in your days a lot of mature men were trying to seduce young women, right? I think it’s always been like that, they wanted them young and pretty, and the ladies would go with them for money, a better social status…” she started, a soft tingle in her stomach as Steve touched her bare legs.

“Well, these last years middle aged and older women, normal women you know, not mutants, have decided that they deserved to date handsome young men, too, even if they only do that for money or presents. They call themselves ‘cougars,’ and I think it’s a bit ridiculous and shallow to chase young men like prey. I used to think that at their age, they should be more reasonable, but now I might be mistaken for one of them.”

“Oh,” Steve sighed as things clicked into place. His hands kept massaging her legs, working further down towards her ankles. After a few beats he softly laughed. “I guess it would be hard to convince others I’m actually the dirty old man chasing after the beautiful ingenue, eh? I can’t even prove I am a nonagenarian anymore - everything S.H.I.E.L.D. gave me says I was born in the 1980’s.”

He swallowed, thinking of his previous double dates with Bucky and the terrible feeling of being out with someone who was uncomfortable being seen with him. He then asked the question he dreaded, but if it was going to be a problem, they would need to address it because he couldn’t stand the thought of embarrassing Pippa like he had those other girls. “Does it bother you— our age differences? That I look as young as I do, or that I am as old as I am? Will-- will it make you feel ridiculous to be seen with me?”

Pippa’s toes curled and wiggled in delight, the hands on her ankles so soft she couldn’t even think about pushing them away. His reaction surprised her though and she could just shake her head in disbelief for a few seconds, searching for a good way to reply.

“No, Steve--no,” she said softly, brushing her thumb on his shoulder. “I’m only afraid you might be uncomfortable, but for me it will never be a problem. You look young, but you’re much more mature than some guys my age, you’re younger and yet older, it’s kind of a good balance, right?” She ran a hand in her hair, and looked away for a few seconds, lost in her thoughts. Being seen with a handsome guy and having people believe things about her and their relationship was the least of her concerns.

“I would never be ashamed of you. I don’t even see people in the streets staring at me or even hear their comments anymore. I have tried to be what society wanted me to be, and it only taught me one thing: no matter what you do, people will judge you. You’ll never be good enough for them, so why bother? I just do what I want, and if they want to assume things about us; well, I’ll let them talk. I won’t care when I have such a gentleman beside me,” she explained, looking up to him with a soft smile.

“Good.” Steve leaned in closer to her, smiling mischievously. “Because I don’t care what others think of us. Only what you think of us, of me. And I’ll take your advice, and just do what I want— take you out to show you a good time…” He kissed her cheek. “...spoil you to the core…” He kissed her other cheek. “....and love you with all my heart.” He then kissed her on the lips, still sweet and fragrant from the fruit. When he finally pulled back to take a breath, he saw her face was flushed again. “I guess I do make you blush, huh?”

“We can say that,” Pippa admitted as she rolled her eyes. “But if asked in front of other people I’ll deny it! No one makes Agent Coulson blush.”

“Of course, everyone knows that Agent Coulson is unflappable. I doubt anyone would believe me even if I did say I saw you blush.” 

She sat back and wrapped her arms around his impossibly large torso, her cheek against his heart. He put his hand against her head, playing with her hair. “But I plan on spoiling you, too. I’m sure I can surprise you. At least there’s a domain where I can surprise you…” she added before placing a hand on her lips in an almost sorry pout. 

“I’m sure there are many areas where you will surprise the hell out of me,” he chuckled at the tease.”Like which movie you are going to choose for us to having playing while I spend most of the time looking at you?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:
> 
> This chapter contains spoilers for the classic movie Psycho. We doubt it will prevent you from reading but we wanted to warn you.

Pippa hesitated for a while, switching between categories. She felt like watching something scary to snuggle with him, something not too violent but that would give her a good pretext to stay close.

“Have you seen _Psycho_?” she asked hopefully. “It’s a classic, I hope thrillers don’t bother you.” He pursed his lips together and softly shook his head.

“I don’t think I’ve heard of it, but I wouldn’t mind watching something scary if I have you here with me.” Steve gave a small shiver and reached over to the pull the plaid throw over their legs. He tried to convince himself that the involuntary movement was because he was out of the kitchen and being stationary, not because of any pre-dread from the movie. As the movie loaded, Pippa had her own small shiver of pleasure in anticipation of what she remembered as a great flick.

“You’ll see, this was a revolution when it was released,” she murmured. Of course, several movies had used the same tricks since then and the final twist was déjà vu but the movie remained very efficient, just thrilling enough without playing on gore effects or loud noises to make you jump that modern movies used way too much. She knew Steve probably wouldn’t be too impressed, he had seen the War and far worse, it would be just a joke for him.

Steve tried hard to not squeeze Pippa too tightly during the shower scene; it had just caught him off guard— how could they kill the main girl and so quickly? He seemed really nervous and Pippa could feel his shoulders tense, his breathing coming short. She rubbed absentmindedly a soothing hand on his abs and couldn’t help looking at his face from time to time when his eyes widened and his incredibly long lashes fluttered in surprise. He was so invested and the movie wound him up tighter and tighter until the final reveal made him yelp and he covered his mouth with his hand, embarrassed at the sound.

“Well that’s it… I’m never taking a shower again, it’s baths from now on,” he joked as the movie ended.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You should have told me to stop if it was too much.”

“No, no, no. It was great! That was terrifying! I just... it seemed so real. Different from a vampire or werewolf story because the monster here is just a guy who seemed so,” Steve moved his hands as if trying to figure out the right words. “-- off, but not that off.

“Besides….” the corner of his mouth slightly turning up, “it’s not so bad to be frightened sometimes if it gives me a great excuse to hold on to my sweetheart tight for almost two hours straight. Did you like it?”

“That kind of plot is more appreciated now, people are more pragmatic, they prefer to be scared by tangible things because they don’t really believe in vampires and werewolves anymore. In the end the scariest creature of all is human after all.”  
She nuzzled his shoulder, smiling softly. “Of course I loved that, and not just the movie!” she added with a wink. Draped over Steve, under the plaid, she felt more warm than ever, so comfortable she doubted she would ever leave his embrace.

“Usually on weekends I take care of myself, I do things I love. I found out it’s important to help me not to break down when work gets too tough. And being with you is definitely a good way I have found to take care of myself!” Steve couldn’t help but smile at her declaration.

“I liked it, too. This has been the most relaxed I’ve been since…” he trailed off trying to remember feeling like this before, this comfortable and content. “I guess I don’t even remember when.”

He glanced over to the clock for just a moment and felt his chest tighten. It was already late afternoon, and he knew he would have to go home soon, or at least eventually. Pippa certainly had things she wanted to do without him there—to prepare for the work-week without a puppy following her around and hanging on every word she said. He tried to push down that feeling and stay in the moment here with her; he’d have plenty of time to miss her when they were actually separated. There was no use in getting a head start.

“On weekends, uh… when I actually have free weekends, I don’t do anything great, you know, laundry… I clean the place a little bit, grocery shopping, all the boring domestic stuff I don’t have time to do during the week.” Pippa mused, playing with the pocket on Steve’s shirt.

She hesitated, not sure it was appropriate to talk about such intimate details so soon, yet Steve had been nothing but understanding and lovely from the beginning, it was probably better to tell it right away.

“Also, every two weeks, usually on Saturdays, I have to do my injections. I do it myself. It’s a bit exhausting and all the hormonal changes tend to make me feel a bit down afterwards so I try to do everything I can to avoid being too melancholy. Have a good movie or a comic book, a nice bubble bath, some music I like and a whole afternoon of cosmetic care, or compulsive shopping. I hate feeling down for no reason.” She kissed his jaw again, wondering why he looked slightly nostalgic.

“Do the injections hurt?” He was thinking back to his own sickly past and terrible prick and burn of getting a shot or having his blood taken for tests.

“It’s not really painful, I aim for the, herm, plumpy parts, ” she joked lightly, slapping her own thigh and bottom.

“I’ve never liked having needles stick me, but I’ve never had to do it to myself.” He was more curious about the things she had to do because of her… condition than he was trying to let on. Clint had advised him to steer clear of this topic, not to push her into talking about something so personal and sensitive.  
“Do you think next time you get the urge to do some shopping you could help me out? My apartment is, well, it’s not as nice as yours, with stuff to make it feel-- comfortable like a home. Could you help me find some things? I’m not even sure what it needs, just-- it needs something, because it doesn’t feel like your apartment does, and I just have this money sitting in my account.”

As he talked about his place, she felt like something was off.

“Steve,” she asked as she knelt besides him on the couch. “Do you take care of yourself?” Pippa brushed her hand on his cheek, trying to ignore the double entendre. “Do you do things that make you happy? When was the last time you got yourself a present? Something big and a bit crazy? You’re always so generous toward others, you can be selfish sometimes, you know that, right?” Steve narrowed his eyes into an incredulous stare and was quiet while he tried to make sense of the questions she had asked.

“I do things I enjoy: drawing, cooking, running. I like helping others; that makes me happy. But, I can’t buy a present for myself,” he chuckled while shaking his head. “That doesn’t make any sense, Pippa. Presents are for other people.”

Despite living in the 21st century for almost two years, Steve hadn’t shaken the years when he was barely getting by, couldn’t shake them. With his fast metabolism, he always felt at the very least a little hungry. And while he would never complain or mention it, the feeling kept him tied to his youth living in poverty.

“Of couse you can, silly!” Pippa smiled. She shook her head and her bangs swiped her brow. “Giving yourself a present is a radical act of self-love. I’m not saying you have to spend all your income in ridiculous things but once in awhile you’re allowed to spoil yourself, especially when there is nobody out there to do it for you.” She kept playing with a strand of his hair, it didn’t seem to bother him too much from the way he kept pushing his head against her hand.

“See, when I got those vintage cards it was a little whim but you can indulge them sometimes. Or when I bought Lola… Hey, you’ve never met Lola!” she beamed, going on casually with her plans as if they had everything scheduled already. “She’s my special car. Our first date counts as a special occasion so we’ll take her tomorrow to get to work.”

He still was looking at her with a doubting smile on his face. He couldn’t even imagine what to buy for himself as a present. He was about to rebuff the premise again, point out that his wants didn’t go too far beyond sketchbooks or the very occasional gourmet chocolate; however, when she mentioned going in to work, his mind jumped.

“Oh Pippa, you don’t have to do that. My apartment is out of the way from here to HQ. I would hate to double your drive with the morning traffic.”

“I don’t mind, I…” Pippa frowned, slightly confused. “Well, I think we’re gonna have to stop by your apartment anyway to get you new clothes for work. I really don’t mind waking up earlier to drive you there. I’ll get us something for breakfast while you get ready and…”  
She suddenly realized her mistake and blinked nervously, blushing. “Oh! You mean… oh of course, you wanna go back to your place tonight. Sorry, I was so caught in the moment, I imagined that… sorry. With the cold outside I didn’t think I’d let you leave on your own b-but… of course you can go back if you want!”

“No, I don’t! I want to stay; I… I thought you would want me to go so you could have time to yourself… for yourself without me in the way bothering you and eating all your food.” Steve bit at the bottom of his lip, troubled that he really was bad at reading people sometimes. It was so hard to anticipate Pippa’s next move or what she wanted - it both excited and terrified him.

“PIppa, I don’t want you to feel forced into keeping me because of the weather.” He locked his eyes with hers and then barely whispered, “Do you want me to stay? Not in the way that your home is always open, but in the it’s your choice where I sleep tonight.”

“It seems that I want you so much to stay I already talk about it as if it was happening,” Pippa replied, immediately reassured. “I thought after almost spending the whole weekend together it would be definitely sad to go separate ways.”

She tried to keep composure not to sound too needy; he had never been so far with a girl, from what she understood, and all these things that were new for him could be overwhelming so she would never blame him if he wanted to leave.

“But then again if you prefer to have a quiet evening without my babbling you can go. Of course I have some files to read to prepare my meetings of tomorrow but I thought you’d find something to do in the meantime, I have books, a second laptop… or you can just keep me in your arms while I read,” she smiled before adding: “As for what you call my food, it tastes much better when it’s shared.”

“I prefer being with you than any other activity. Maybe you are my splurge; spending time with you makes me feel so good, Pippa, and I very selfishly want even more time.” He tightened his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss.

When they did finally part, Pippa got up to get her computer to do some work, and Steve went into the kitchen to start dinner. The sun was already going down, and he closed the curtain without really looking. After a few minutes of rummaging around, he then stuck his head through the doorway and saw her already sitting on the couch, typing away.

“Hey Sweetheart, I found a frozen lasagna in your icebox; does that and some green beans sound good for dinner or would like something else?”


	18. Chapter 18

Pippa gave Steve an enamored look as he disappeared in the kitchen, already at home in her apartment. She opened her laptop and switched to working mode, she downloaded the last update for SHIELD’s firewall, checked her emails -Barton’s reports were still very short but it was pleasing to see less typos-, opened the files of the young trainees she was supposed to interview in the morning, and read the European online newspapers to make sure nothing important had happened in the world while she was treated like a princess. 

When she looked away from the classified files, well over an hour had passed, the sun had set, and the table was ready. She quickly shut her laptop and jumped to her feet. “Sorry, I’ve let you do everything once again.”

“Exactly as we had planned! You got to work on your files, and I kept myself busy and out of your hair.” He smiled as he sat their plates down on the table, a towel slung over his shoulders from his cleaning the kitchen while the lasagna cooked.

He loved this playing house, cooking for her, taking care of her. He had felt like he had been at war for years now, first against the Nazis and HYDRA and now there were so many enemies to fight against. But here in Pippa’s home, the comfort of peace washed over him— like he could actually have some of the freedoms he had fought for. 

“Anything revolutionary happening that I should know of before I go in tomorrow?” As they sat and ate, Steve kept staring at her and grinning. 

“Nothing special, I haven’t decided which kids I’m going to recommend to join the field teams even though some profiles are more promising than others,” Pippa explained as she enjoyed her veggies. “They all have very different skill sets, it’s a bit like a strategy game. Hmmm what did you put in the beans? They’re excellent like this!”

“Just a bit of garlic and butter. You’re very good at putting together teams, you know. Not everyone factors in as many qualities as you seem to. There’s a real preference to be on one of your teams versus one handled by someone else.” Steve looked down and gave a little smile to his plate as if he couldn’t help being proud of her competency at her job.

She took his hand over the table, happy not to spend her Sunday evening alone, even if she loved her job the last hours of the weekends were never pleasant. She felt like she didn’t have to hide things, to look more vulnerable to reassure him about his virility, as if all he expected from her was to be herself and fall in love with him. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your time in college, did you study military theory or is all of your knowledge from work?” he asked while wiping the last bit of sauce from his plate with his finger and without thought quickly licking it off. 

“Well, I started in the army like…”  
Pippa’s breath caught for a second when the offensive finger found its place between his lips, the indecent flash of a tongue licking the sauce in a way that made you want to be cleaned. She looked back at Steve’s eyes, not that it was less troubling, and smiled.

“I joined the army as soon as I could, I wanted to serve my country, I think you know that feeling, right? I got a regular military training, I wanted to have a career, possible become Captain Coulson.” She blushed, amused by her naivety. “My plan was, since I couldn’t be who I wanted, to at least become the best soldier since Captain America, nothing less. It seems that I was not too bad, some said a good soldier even but I couldn’t follow orders. I kept thinking for myself and contradicting my superiors when I thought they were wrong; I got a few warnings for my big mouth.” 

“Not one for following orders, huh?” Steve chuckled and made to cover his mouth with his hand. “Sounds like you really were on the path to be like me.” He then gathered up the plates to take them away. 

“So after finishing my education, as I was ready to go to the Gulf in 1990, I got contacted by this very secret organization who told me I had the right profile, that what they did could interest me. As you can guess when they told me that it had been created by Howard Stark, I signed right away.”

“Well, I’m glad S.H.I.E.L.D. could divert you from that life, that you didn’t become a Captain Coulson,” he yelled from the kitchen and over the sound of the sink water running. Pippa sighed as she heard him wash the dishes, he was just impossible. In no time at all he was back and pulling her up from her seat into his arms. “Because you turned out to be so much more important and valuable than just someone in a tight sparkly uniform.” He kissed her softly and then added, “Do you have more things to look over, or… um… are you done for the night? I don’t want to keep you up late by being a distraction.”

“The sweetest distraction, don’t worry,” she purred against his lips, eager for more kisses.  
“I think I’m gonna take a shower so tomorrow we’ll just have to get up and go to your place, it will save us time. I also have some things to hang out to dry… aaand no you don’t need to do it for me, thank you, you already do so much,” she added with a smirk before pouting, “And then I’m all yours, sweetheart. But first, I wanna kiss, you haven’t kissed me in years!”

He was about to counter her complaint that he had been kissing her all day when she pulled him into the kiss, and he realized she was teasing him again. When she pulled away from him to head to the bathroom, he let out a slight whimper. 

Trying to find something to busy himself with since she had implied he was doing too many chores, he pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. He had turned it off at the movie yesterday afternoon and had been distracted from turning it back on. He frowned when he saw he had missed four calls and eight messages- two calls from the restaurant telling him they needed to close early because of the storm. Then he had a message from Clint wishing him luck on the date and then around midnight an apology that Steve didn’t quite understand. 

However, once he saw his missed text messages, it made more sense. All eight texts had been from Stark about the storm - first joking and a bit mean, growing more frantic with Steve’s apparent silence. The last one revealing that Stark was so worried about him that he had called Clint, who told him he was on a date. Stark chided Steve for making him worry and then gave him some crude advice about what to do with his date. 

Steve rolled his eyes that even without communicating, he and Stark could have an argument. He placed his cell phone on the table, and not wanting to repeat that morning’s awkwardness, picked up a paperback, laid down on the couch to read it, and gave Pippa all the privacy she needed to get ready for bed. 

In no time Pippa was ready, wet hair tied in a tight braid, she prepared her suit for the next morning and everything she would need so that she could find it all before she’d even wake up completely ; she hung several pieces of delicate underwear to dry and brushed her teeth. It was only when she took her bottle of sweet almond oil that she realized she had been singing softly and that unlike every other time, she wasn’t alone in the apartment.

Curious, she died to know what Steve was doing, what he could look like when she wasn’t looking. Was he curious or shy? Nosy or already comfortable? She would love it if he could see this place as a second home.

As she was done applying the oil on the scar under her left breast, she contorted and squirmed to massage some on her back where Loki had stabbed her, but this precise point was hard to reach and as usual, she felt like this would never heal correctly. Until she remembered, once again, that she wasn’t alone tonight.

“Steve?” she asked softly, walking into the living room with her small bottle in hand. Steve looked up from the book, and quickly got to his feet as she entered. “Would you mind giving me a hand? I can’t reach the scar on my back and… I mean, only if it doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

He could immediately feel his cheeks flush when he saw she was wearing only her robe, a bare shoulder exposed. The look on her face seemed sad and unsure. He thought of how upset she had been that afternoon about the incident with Loki, what it had truly cost her. 

“I wouldn’t mind at all, Sweetheart.” He smiled, trying to cover how unsure he was. Steve Rogers had gone through many things in his life, but the thing that got to him more than anything else was seeing those he cared about in pain. Just thinking about Agent Coulson’s being hurt had been enough to send Steve on a rampage during the invasion.

Earlier that day when her robe fell, the scar had been covered by her brassiere, and he had been distracted with other parts, but now he was going to see and touch the spot where Loki had hurt his Pippa. He wished he had had the opportunity to punch the demi-god during the battle just once.

“What do you need me to do?”

Pippa looked down as she handed him the bottle. It had seemed natural for her to ask for help now that for once she could get some, and he had been so nice, understanding and helpful until there. But as Steve walked to her she felt suddenly inappropriate. They only were on their first date, even if things had turned out much better than they expected, and she asked him to touch her scar. Neither glamorous nor sexy; you’re not supposed to get to gross details before being more pleasantly intimate.

“I just use almond oil to nourish the skin and eventually make the… the scar less visible,” she explained, a soft blush creeping up her neck. “But really, if you find it disgusting I can try again to do it myself.”

“No, no, no,” he softly chided. Steve tilted her face up so he could see her eyes. “I don’t think I could find you disgusting at all. Please let me help you. I want to… to take care of you.” He leaned in to kiss her softly and then moved to be behind her. As she lowered the back of her robe, exposing her shoulder blades, Steve gasped.

“Oh my God,” he breathed, “Pippa, you are so beautiful.” Steve reverently traced down the line of her back to the base of her ribs and then started to gently massage the oil into the scar. Loki was far from his mind, instead all of his thoughts were focusing on not using too much of his strength. 

Without her hair in the way to hide and in front of the only eyes that mattered to her Pippa felt exposed, naked despite her efforts to conceal what had to be. Her first reflex was to shrug off Steve’s compliment yet she knew it was a bad habit. To accept his opinion, accept that he was saying what he really wanted and felt was more important than her modesty so she just smiled. “Thank you…” and held back a gasp as the warm hands started rubbing her back in smooth motions.

“Does it ever hurt?” he asked.

“It stopped hurting relatively fast after I came out of the hospital, you know for how long I stayed in there it was ridiculous. Anyway, it doesn’t really hurt but the itching… oh, the itching Steve! Especially on my back, obviously the hardest part to reach, and the place where I can’t apply products for my skin to heal better. Plus, I was told by some smart ass that it’s not safe to scratch your own back with the barrel of your gun during a mission,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“Who would dare tell Agent Coulson what she can and cannot do? I’ve had broken bones, joint aches, been shot, my lungs seize up on me, but nothing compares to the hell of an itch you can’t scratch.” His hand had floated up from the now-softened scar and was massaging the tense muscles of her upper back and neck. 

He felt her shiver slightly and figured she must be cold, so he retreated his hands back and then pulled her robe back over her shoulders. He smoothed the fabric down her arms until his hands were holding hers and he had closed the space between them. With his chest at her back, he hoped it would take away the chill. “Sorry about that, Sweetheart. Is that better?”

“Better than what?” Pippa asked dreamily with a blissful smile. “Oh? No, no don’t worry I’m not cold. You have wonderful hands.”She turned around in his arms and started to walk backward to the bedroom, still clinging to Steve.

“I’m gonna hit the bed. Does 6:30 seem good to you? Not too early? On work days I’m a morning person. There must be a few spare toothbrushes in the bathroom if you want to make one of them yours, and if you need anything just ask. I’m gonna find you another t-shirt if you want.”

Steve could only nod his head in agreement at all she asked as Pippa lead him to the bedroom. He took the shirt and brush she gave him and went through his evening routine as best he could. When he emerged from the bathroom, she was already in bed on her side.

‘No, Steve, it’s all her side. You don’t have a side. You’ve got to slow down or you’re going to ruin it,’ he thought to himself. He slid in under the sheets but tried not to encroach on her space.   
“We have the same deal as last night, right? If you feel uncomfortable at all, just tell me, and I’ll go sleep on the couch. No problem.”

“Absolutely, but I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem for me,” Pippa replied, tucking herself against his chest; their arms, shoulders and heads found the perfect position without even thinking about it. “Good night sweet prince.”

“You deserve such wonderful things, Pippa, and I want to be the one to give them to you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone and on your own. Perhaps a reason I was the one selected for Project Rebirth, that I got this body and the ice and everything is so I could be here now. With you. That fate brought me to you.” He kissed at her temple and held her a little tighter.

Pippa squeezed him, not afraid for once to use the strength of her shorter arms, and buried her face in his neck. She had always believed that fate was nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a gun or proper tactics but for once she was ready to believe in it. 

One last kiss on his smooth throat, just the time to think that she wasn’t tired yet and she drifted off with a content smile. Everything felt right here, with _her_ Steve.

 

Steve laid in the darkness, listening to the soft even breathing of his girl. Without his usual workout or exertions, his body wasn’t tired. His mind was racing with the exciting events of the weekend and the dread of it all coming to an end in a few hours. He’d have to be professional in the morning, cool and collected when all his desires were to gather her in his arms and take her away. It’d be just the two of them camping or a secluded beach house by a warm sea. 

_She was laying by a pool under a bright sun, a mojito in her hand. She couldn’t see Steve but she knew he was there, not so far behind her, in a probably outrageous swimsuit, she could feel his breath on her neck and hear his voice telling her sweet things. She looked down on her own body and it felt just natural, just right. The weight of her breasts, the small waist on top of round hips, the brazilian bottom that fit just perfectly. Nothing missing, nothing in the way. Just a dream afternoon in paradise._

Pippa felt a deep darkness in her chest when she opened her eyes, blinked, understood that it was just a dream. A beautiful dream, even worse than a nightmare because she now had to realize it wasn’t true. It wasn’t real. A dream that forced her to face this reality. She swallowed the knot in her throat and clung to Steve, for once she was not alone after such a dream, burying her face in his shoulder. She wouldn’t let her own mind hurt her, not tonight. She would go back to sleep and don’t let anything get in the way of her current happiness.

When most of the night had slipped by, he felt Pippa shake a little and then hold him tighter. He softly brushed his fingers over her hair and kissed the top of her head. Steve tried in vain to calm himself enough to sleep, but the nagging thought that he may never get the chance at this again kept him from finding that peace. 

As the alarm went off precisely on time, Pippa pulled away from his embrace and Steve didn’t let on that he had not slept in favor of counting each beat of her heart. 

_~The end... for now.~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends the first story of Steve and Pippa, but this is just the beginning. We will be back very soon in a new story where our lovebirds go to work together, have to adapt to workplace and... oh my, if you knew what happens then! ;) You'd better subscribe to the [Pippa & Steve series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/47198) if you don't want to miss anything.


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